長得丑還自戀的自信是哪來的？

Can a narcissist be ugly?

自戀的人也可會長得丑嗎？

我們來看下心理學家的Elinor Greenberg的回答：

Yes, there are ugly Narcissists and beautiful Narcissists and everything in between. Narcissists are not all suave, confident, and handsome.

Narcissists are people like you and me and we come in all shapes and sizes.

Narcissism is the result of childhood experiences

I believe Narcissists are primarily made, not born. Most of the Narcissistic clients that I see in therapy were raised by parents who were themselves Narcissists. These parents tended to be low in empathy, used devaluation and humiliation as punishments, and were extremely unpredictable.

They alternately praised and devalued their children depending on their mood. They also tended to believe that high status in society, however they measured status—money, power, beauty, athleticism, intelligence, talent—was the most important thing in life.

Narcissists were trained to be insecure about their self-worth

My clients』 childhoods were filled with experiences of being alternately praised as special, unique, and perfect or devalued as worthless, defective, garbage depending on their parents』 mood and needs that day.

This led them to grow up to see themselves and everyone else in equally extreme ways. In essence, their childhood experiences left them without a realistic, stable, integrated sense of identity. They tend to feel as if their self-esteem is always on the line.

Narcissism can be viewed as an adopted strategy

From this point of view, Narcissism can be viewed as a series of strategies that focus on stabilizing shaky self-esteem. Narcissists, then, are simply people who use Narcissistic strategies

to feel better about themselves. Some common strategies:

一些常見的戰略：

1. They attach themselves to people, objects, and institutions that they consider high status and gain status through association.

2. They seek other people』s admiration and approval.

他們需求他人的仰慕和贊同

3. They devalue other people in order to raise their own status when they feel slighted.

4. They tend to monopolize the attention of any group they are in by telling stories or bragging.

There are even Narcissistic strategies to deal with being ugly

1. Insist that 「ugly」 is the new beauty (this explains a lot about the fashion world and what designers make us wear).

2. Focus on gaining so much money and prestige that people will have to look up to you, no matter what you look like.

3. Have numerous cosmetic procedures to change your features to approximate your culture』s ideal.

4. Defy everyone by making yourself as ugly as possible: pierce and tattoo yourself everywhere in horrifying ways that make people stare at you. If you can』t get attention for being more beautiful than anyone else, then you can get it by being uglier!

作者簡介：

Elinor Greenberg,The author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety.《Borderline》《Narcissistic》《Schizoid Adaptation: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety》書的作者。

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