中國子女禁止喪偶父母再婚

In China, many adult children forbid their widowed parents to remarr

導讀:與父母期盼子女組建家庭不同，子女對父母的黃昏之戀修成正果往往有不同的意見。怎樣才能最有效的避免紛爭，到達共識呢？

Chinese parents are notorious for their persistence when it comes to pushing their adult children into marriage. But when they themselves are the ones seeking a spouse, their children are far less enthusiastic about their prospects in the marriage market.

一談到催促自己的成年孩子結婚，中國父母就因為他們對此的執著而臭名昭著。但是當他們自己成為尋找配偶的人時，他們的孩子對父母在婚姻市場的前景卻不怎麼熱情。

Chen, a 71-year-old widower in Nanning, Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, lost his wife four years ago. Feeling lonely, he sought a partner to spend his autumn years with. But he did not expect that his new-found bachelorhood would encounter such strong resistance from his three adult children: a daughter and two sons.

71歲的鰥夫陳來自廣西壯族自治區南寧市，四年前老伴去世了。因為覺得孤單，他找了一個老伴一起共度晚年。但他沒有料到，他新尋到的獨身生活會遭到來自三個成年孩子——一個女兒和兩個兒子——如此強烈的反對。

Failing to win the support of his own offspring, Chen dared not propose to an elderly woman he had recently met. Instead, he and the woman, surnamed Lu, agreed to cohabitate in order to fulfill their mutual need for companionship.

由於沒有獲得孩子的支持，陳不敢向最近認識的年長女性求婚。取而代之地是，他和這位姓盧的女士同意同居，以滿足彼此陪伴的需要。

Many elderly men and women in China would find Chen』s experience relevant. According to statistics from a matchmaking agency in Jiangxi Province, over 80 percent of single senior citizens who were once married hope to get married again. Sadly, more than 60 percent of them fail to receive any moral support from their children.

很多年長的中國男女會覺得和陳的經歷相似。據江西省婚姻介紹所的統計，80%以上有過婚姻經歷的單身老人希望再婚。可悲的是，有60%以上的人沒有得到子女道義上的支持。

Reluctant to offend their children, Chen and Lu』s decision to cohabitate is becoming a popular compromise among those elderly who also find themselves in this dilemma.

不願意違背子女，陳和盧同居的決定正在成為那些身處同樣困境的老人的普遍折中選擇。

Prior to moving in with Lu, Chen spent many months arguing and negotiating with his adult children about remarrying. But as his youngest son is his self-professed favorite, and whose opinion he cares the most about, Chen held back from doing the "troublesome" thing.

在和盧住在一起之前，陳花費數月和自己的成年孩子爭論、協商再婚。但是因為他最小的兒子最受他喜愛，他最關心他的意見，陳最後決定不做「製造麻煩的事」。

"It is not that we don』t understand him, or we are not filial. But he is over 70. Isn』t he leading his children into trouble?" said the junior Chen. "After marriage they must live together and there must be quarrels over dividing the property. I don』t have time to handle these things."

小陳說：「不是我們不理解他，也不是我們不孝順。但是他都70多了。他不是給孩子找麻煩嗎？結婚以後，他們必須住在一起，劃分財產上肯定有爭執。我沒有時間處理這些事情。」

Chen complained to Modern Life Daily that every time he raised the subject with his youngest son, he was persuaded out of the idea. "They don』t know that I』m lonely. They all have their own families and I live alone in an old apartment. I cannot rely on them if I get sick or something. My deceased wife would have agreed, so I don』t know why he cannot accept it," said Chen.

陳向《當代生活報》抱怨，每次他和小兒子提起這個話題，他就被勸說放棄這個念頭。陳說：「他們不知道我孤獨。他們都有自己的家庭，我一個人住在老公寓里。如果生病或者怎樣了，我指不上他們。我已故的妻子會同意，所以我不知道為什麼他無法接受這個。」

Chen recalled a recent experience he had with sunstroke. At that time, he felt languid and could not move at all. He phoned his children, but they were busy. It was Lu who showed up to tend to him. "If I had to wait for my children to get off work that day before they could pour me a glass of water, I would have thirst to death!" the senior said.

陳回憶起自己最近中暑的經歷。那時，他覺得自己渾身無力，一點也不能動。他給孩子打電話，但是他們在忙，是盧現身照顧他的。老人說：「如果那天我等孩子下班後給我倒杯水，那我就渴死了。」

This experience furthered strengthened Chen』s idea of getting married. But his son instead said that they would simply find their father some household help. "We are filial and will not leave him alone uncared for," Chen junior said， "We can find him a nanny or ask his neighbors to look after him, then all his worries will be solved."

這個經歷增強了陳結婚的想法。但是他的兒子卻說，他們會幫父親雇個幫手。陳的孩子說：「我們孝順的，不會獨自留下他不照顧，我們可以為他找個保姆或者讓鄰居照看他，然後他的疑慮就消除了。」

"He feels lonely because he thinks too much," Chen junior added. "If he had not always thought about getting married again, he would not have so many worries. And if he gets married again, he will not have a peaceful late life. Troubles like family conflicts, property division disputes and so on will all emerge, and then he will know he was wrong."

陳的孩子說：「他覺得孤獨是因為他想的太多，如果他沒有一直想著再婚他就不會有這麼多擔心。如果他再婚了，他就不會有平靜的晚年生活。諸如家庭紛爭，財產劃分爭議等麻煩將會浮現，之後他就知道自己錯了。」

More and more elderly are expected to choose to live together without marriage certificates for various reasons. But as Luo Qiangqiang, an associate professor in law from Ningxia University pointed out, without legal protection, cohabitation cannot guarantee them due rights and interests when needed.

越來越多的老人因為各種原因選擇沒有結婚證的生活在一起。但是，寧夏大學法學副教授羅強強指出，沒有法律保護，同居不能在必要時保障他們應有的權益。

China law regarding elderly rights and interests makes it clear to protect their freedom in marriage. But as far as property division, lawyer Chen Wubin said that the two involved may notarize their property before getting married and make agreements about it with children from both sides present so that there will be no dispute or contention later.

有關老年人權益的中國法律明確保護他們的婚姻自由。但是就財產分割而言，陳武斌律師稱，結婚之前，有關雙方可以公證財產，與雙方在場子女就此制定協議，這樣後期就沒有紛爭了。

喜歡這篇文章嗎？立刻分享出去讓更多人知道吧！