未衣錦，卻還鄉 Back to the origin，back to the dream

最近忙論文要死，抱歉長時間沒更新。

Crazily busy with my thesis submission these days, so sorry for no update for such a long time... For English version, please scroll down.

這次只想寫個簡單的文章，告訴大家，我要回北京了。

2018年2月6日早上，我交了博士論文。那一刻，我以為自己會欣喜，然而好像更多的是從容淡定。好多人問我是不是自由了、釋然了，我卻沒什麼感覺。（其實，我這兩天還在忙著改論文、寫本子、備份數據、寫博客、修同事的結婚照、見各路朋友、收拾行李……野心太大，作！焦慮到有點兒睡不好。）本來博士期間我過得就很逍遙自在，但還有另外的原因——未來永遠都充滿挑戰和不確定。面對未來，我覺得讀博士不過剛剛是個開始。亦或是因為經歷多了，就不以物喜不以己悲。

在外邊晃了5年多，我之前從來沒有想過這麼快就要回家。畢竟，我不拿政府的錢，來去自如。如果想回去，還是自願的好。沒錯，我是想回家了！不是因為外邊不好——對我而言，走出去永遠都比家裡好（這個不爭，即使回家了我也會不停走出去），但我突然發現，在家裡並不代表不能走出去——因為我看到家裡更好。時代賦予個人歷史意義和機遇：當一個時代和民族都在努力的時候，個人就沒有理由不去「逐流」。

三個周足以給我這樣「固執」的人洗腦嗎？對！如果心裡有個目標，你就會看到周圍的一切都在幫你（這是《鍊金術士》那本書里最常提到的觀點），都在為你提示潛在的資源和機遇。與其說是被別人洗腦，不如說是自己洗腦的。我的「固執」其實說的是我打定主意就會咬牙到底，而不是我不去聽別人的聲音。前幾天朋友給我分享了一句話，我覺得真是至理：「一個人的智慧不在於技術上的聰明，而在於思想有多開放」（Intelligence is about how open-minded you are.）思想開放就是敢於去接觸更多的觀點，汲取、吸收、沉澱，然後做自己的決定。

中國人講「衣錦還鄉」，有了成就再回去，不然就沒臉回去。這個觀點建立在一個假設上，即外邊比家裡好。而我希望我是「還鄉衣錦」：誰說走出去是因為家不好呢？走出去是為了成長，但並不意味著家不好；回家是為了更加成長，也並不意味著外邊不好。

最後說，沒有不好，只有更好！北京見~~

Just a short article telling everybody that I"m moving back to Beijing.

On 6th Feb, 2018, I submitted my PhD thesis. Contradictory to my expection that I would be super excited, I was calm and composed - didn"t even feel much. People these days kept asking me how I feel after submission, freedom or relaxed? (I"m actually quite flat out and stressed, revising reviewed papers, drafting proposals, backing up research data, writing blogs, retouching my colleagues" wedding photos, meeting friends, and cleaning and packing my stuff... Too ambitious me!) I"ve been so happy during my PhD study, so I"m not feeling that big contrast of freedom at the moment. But one more reason, I foresee many unclear and uncertain challenges in the future approaching me. Compared with this, doing a PhD is like a sesame seed somehow. Or maybe experience makes people indifferent.

Being overseas for almost 6 years, I was never thinking about going back so soon until last year. I"m not bonded by the government scholarship, so literally can decide wherever I"d stay. However, if going back, it"s better not to be reluctant. And yes, for me, I WANT to go back home! The world outside is not bad at all. Actually, for me going out is always better than staying in a familiar environment. It"s just that I suddenly realised going back home can be better, and that being back home doesn"t mean I cannot go out. When luckily the age fulfills meanings and opportunities to individual histories, there is no reason why we don"t follow the flow.

Three weeks are more than enough to "brainwash" me, even though I"m such a tough and harsh person. As long as the voice in my inner world is calling, the whole universe conspires to help me (as is said inThe Alchemist), indicating any relevant resources. So brainwash is never done by others rather than youself. Toughness and harshness are not equal to stubbornness. While toughness is to be determined and persistent to do something once the decision was made, stubbornness is to resist hearing other voices. I cannot agree more with a friend"s saying that "Intelligence is about how open minded you are". In this sense, intelligence is to hear, collect, absorb, and consolidate before a decision-making.

A traditional Chinese saying goes literally like "people will not return home unless being achieved". I see this statement problematic since it assumes that the world outside is always better than home. However, I hope that I"ll return home to be an achieved person. Who says going out is because home is not good? Going out is to grow up ourselves, but doesn"t mean home is not good; going home is to grow up ourselves more, while neither does it mean the world outside is not good.

I just wanna say, there is nothing not good, but there is always something better! See you, Beijing!

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