國外也有段子手：誰說大巴就不能進攻了？

小夥伴們大家好，歡迎來到每周的「國外也有段子手」！上周的歐洲賽場看點多多，皇馬淘汰巴黎，尤文戰勝熱刺，而曼城、利物浦也順利晉級歐冠八強，阿森納也在歐聯杯中戰勝米蘭。聯賽賽場，曼聯贏下與利物浦的強強對話，而切爾西、阿森納、皇馬、巴薩、拜仁等球隊也紛紛取勝。好了，話不多說，讓我們快來看看歪果仁們的精彩吐槽吧！

Doomblitz(利物浦球迷)：大騙子，不是說好的要擺大巴的么？(Liar, I was promised a bus.)

Freakedmind(未知主隊球迷)：大巴不幸撞到你們後防線上了，結果竟然成了進球…(The bus just crashed into your defense and into the goal.)

curseDDestiny(曼聯球迷)：為了教利物浦如何防守，我們在上下半場專門擺了兩個不同的大巴呢！(We gave Liverpool two different buses in both halfs since they might need to learn how to defend.)

Satorigato(利物浦球迷)：那拜利是在教我們如何進攻嗎？(And Bailly just taught us how to score?)

Heblas(阿森納球迷)：在禁區里怎麼能給拜利如此大的空間去射門呢？(Can"t be giving Bailly that much space to shoot in the box.)

Sterilite90(未知主隊球迷)：不得不說，拜利這個烏龍比絕大多數前鋒的進球都要有技術含量的…(Honestly Bailly』s goal is much better than most strikers…)

LevynX(曼聯球迷)：可以可以，今天我們都沒出動究極版的德赫亞就贏了！(Didn"t even take a De Gea masterclass to win this one. Team did excellently today.)

ItsBlatantlyBally(布里斯托球迷)：人們總在抱怨曼聯的比賽太無聊，但是你們見過肯讓自家球員進烏龍來營造氣氛的球隊嗎？(People call United boring but how many teams would have their own plsyer score an own goal to make it a more exicting finish.)

(圖)：阿什利-揚對薩拉赫的貼身防守，可以說是十分全面了...

Notasabretooth(尤文球迷)：薩拉赫太沉醉於「沙灘梅西」的稱號了，一看梅西本人沒比賽，薩拉赫也決定不出場了！(Salah taking the 『Sand Messi』 thing a bit too seriously by also not playing tonight.)

Iamprateik(曼聯球迷)：洛夫倫賽前就說，一定要阻止曼聯拿到平局！(United always play for a draw, I better make sure that doesn"t happen – Lovren.)

Buttonpups(未知主隊球迷)：兩隊出場的球員加起來竟來自16個國家之多，也算是個迷你世界盃了吧！(Kind of amazing when you stop to think on it, 16 countries represented in those lineups. It"s like a mini World Cup!)

RiverPlate(河床球迷)：不，桑切斯肯定不會同意的！(No because Sanchez won』t agree.)

athul_17x(阿森納球迷)：多特蒙德這件新的紅白相間的球衣還是挺不錯的嘛！(Really like Dortmund"s new red and white away jersey.)

Stepanovic(多特球迷)：鬧笑話了吧，我們多特的球衣一直都是紅色的啊！(The joke is on you, the official colors of the town Dortmund are red.)

patricko25(阿森納球迷)：按慣例，現在應該是我廠終止連勝然後再輸2個月的球，但現在好像正好反過來，成了終止連敗了…(It』s time for the annual Arsenal end of the year unbeaten run after a 2 month losing period, but now is the end for beaten run.)

Toppmama(切爾西球迷)：還有比威廉和門柱更令人感動的愛情故事么…(Willian and posts, a decent love story, no need to name a better one.)

StalkingDwarf(切爾西球迷)：要不我們踢巴薩的時候就直接往後衛身上踢吧，這樣還能指望它反彈進網…(I think our game plan for Barca should be to shoot the ball at the defenders instead at goal, and hope it gets deflected in.)

Shnoog(南安普頓球迷)：阿爾巴傳給蘇亞雷斯的球，好像都把地球自轉的影響都考慮進去了呢！(JORDI EVEN TOOK EARTHS ROTATION INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN CROSSING TO SUAREZ.)

maejor-(巴薩球迷)：庫鳥的進球，看得我腹股溝交叉部位產生了劇烈反應…(Coutinho』s goal made some sevire reactions happen in my groin joint area.)

JafH2000(利物浦球迷)：蘇牙庫鳥進球難救主，利物浦憾負曼聯！(Suarez and Coutinho score, and we lose to United.)

Satorigato(利物浦球迷)：這種感覺就像在看前女友和新歡拍的愛愛小視頻一樣…(This is like finding your ex"s new sextape squirts on another dude"s face.)

DummbBells(未知主隊球迷)：漢堡的表現還是不錯的，比上個賽季踢拜仁少丟了2個球呢！(Brilliant performance by Hamburg, improved by 2 goals compared to last season.)

dem0nhunter(拜仁球迷)：羅老漢的內切有點切得太過了，最後的進球都像是拉邊進的了…(Robben cut so deep inside that he ended up the goal cutting outside.)

Asparagus901(拜仁球迷)：從2011年以來，拜仁每次聯賽主場踢漢堡的平均進球數是6.25個…(Bayern Munich has 6.25 goals per game scored since 2011 at home againt Hamburg)

Dewww(阿賈克斯球迷)：我有個強烈預感，明年漢堡就不用受拜仁這頓欺負啦！(I have a strong feeling next year Hamburg will be fine.)

(註：漢堡本賽季保級形勢嚴峻。)

reallymadrid(皇馬球迷)：有了麵條頭，進球不用愁！(Noodle hair, don"t care.)

CranialZealot(曼聯球迷)：唉，要是皇馬的傳真機能早幾年壞掉該多好啊！(Fax machine should have failed a few years earlier as well.)

Melicalol(皇馬球迷)：這個老在進球的中年人是誰啊？我看好他的未來哦！(Who is the middle aged man scoring so many goals. I hope he becomes a great football player.)

Potatochips(皇馬球迷)：莫德里奇如此風騷的傳球，應該得定義為小黃片才合適…(Modric outside foot pass should be classified as porn.)

Radslide(皇馬球迷)：賽前巴黎就放出豪言：「皇馬根本不會預料到會在巴黎主場經歷什麼！」其實他們說得對，我真是沒預料到巴黎竟然會在主場踢得這麼坑爹…("Real Madrid have no idea what awaits them at Parc des Princes.」 Well I for one did not expect this. Horrible performance from PSG.)

DarkSofter(曼聯球迷)：要是巴黎和阿森納在歐冠16強里碰上了，那會出現什麼結果？不會是兩隊陷入菜雞互啄的死循環了吧…(I wonder what would happen on a r16 match PSG vs Arsenal. Would we be stuck in an infinite loop of chokes?)

nunixnunix04(葡萄牙球迷)：反正最後贏球的肯定是拜仁。(Bayern would somehow still win.)

opi89(波蘭球迷)：今夜我們看到的，是「一支球隊」和「一群球員」之間的比賽！(Tonight we saw: a team vs. players.)

Unrectify(皇馬球迷)：內馬爾現在應該正躲在妹妹的懷裡哭泣吧…(Neymar is crying in the arms of his sister.)

JVSkol(巴薩球迷)：內馬爾走出了梅西的陰影，卻又被太陽的光芒灼傷…(Neymar got out of Messi"s shadow just to get burned by the sun....)

blue-pilgrim(萊斯特城球迷)：看完這場坑爹的巴黎主場踢皇馬的比賽後，歐足聯決定禁止巴黎再用寂靜嶺當主場了！(After the infamous 2018 Real Madrid vs PSG game, UEFA decided to never again host a match in Silent Hill.)

Cirad(巴薩球迷)：機智的埃梅里！好好保存了姆巴佩的體能，這樣就能在第3回合實現逆轉啦！(Tactical move by Emery. Saving Mbappe for the third leg to come up.)

HippoBigga(西班牙球迷)：雖然姆巴佩和卡塞米羅長得也不像，但我覺得他們卻都長得像忍者神龜…(Mbappé and Casemiro look so different but at the same time they both look like ninja turtles.)

Marco2169(皇馬球迷)：這是來自「胖子」和「小男孩」的攻擊！(Attack from Fat Man and Little Boy.)

Tickub(泰國球迷)：可憐的孫興慜：「我也不是日本人啊！」(Poor Heung-min Son: "But I"m not even Japanese")

(註：「胖子」和「小男孩」為二戰期間美國投擲在日本的原子彈代號，此處分別代指伊瓜因和迪巴拉。)

LordOfPussy(阿森納球迷)：這是阿森納球迷這賽季最開心的一天了吧！(Arsenal fans" best moment of the season.)

m00kystinks(拜仁球迷)：也是阿森納2010年以來歐冠16強淘汰賽表現最好的一次呢！(This is Arsenal』s best R16 result since 2010.)

Bustedracquet(未知主隊球迷)：熱刺這是成了新阿森納了么，聯賽爭四，然後歐冠止步16強？(Are Spurs the new Arsenal? Get Top 4 in the PL and then lose in the Round of 16?)

Juzashannon(利物浦球迷)：這就是北倫敦球隊的一種傳統吧！(A North London team and some things never change.)

ncool91(曼城球迷)：這場比賽，穆罕默德和耶穌都進球啦！(Mohammed and Jesus both scored.)

AaronRamsay(阿森納球迷)：可惜摩西在切爾西啊，不然這場比賽他也會進球的！(Shame that Moses plays for Chelsea or he would have scored too.)

Trident475(未知主隊球迷)：自從瓜瓜入主曼城以後，巴塞爾是第2支能在阿提哈德球場擊敗他們的球隊…(FC Basel is the second team to beat Manchester City at Etihad since Guardiola arrival.)

_ronty12_(利物浦球迷)：巴塞爾還是這賽季唯一一支對曼市雙雄完成通殺的球隊呢！(Basel become first team this season to beat both Manchester PL teams.)

WlLSON(阿森納球迷球迷)：哈哈曼城，我早就說過你們不可能每周都能踢阿森納這樣的弱旅的！(Lol City I』ve said you can"t always play against weak opposition like Arsenal.)

Sleathasaurus(曼城球迷)：有趣的是，現在英超前6裡邊，沒有被巴塞爾擊敗過的球隊，就只剩阿森納了…(Amusingly, everyone bar Arsenal has been beaten by Basel so far.)

bopper1341(巴塞爾球迷)：曼城有最好的球員，但我們巴塞爾卻有最好的球迷！(City have the best players. Basel have the best fans.)

BoosterGoldGL(曼城球迷)：我們帶著4-0的領先優勢踢FCB，現在一想還是要嚇尿了…(We』re 4-0 up to FCB...I am still shitting myself…)

carterish (利物浦球迷)：上次我們進歐冠8強的時候，也是以5-0的總比分淘汰了卡西利亞斯所在的球隊…(Last time we were in Champions league Ro16, we went through 5-0 on aggregate with Casillas in opposition goal.)

Arpall(里昂球迷)：很高興看到利物浦回歸，好想念當年的歐冠聯賽，有著AC米蘭、利物浦、里昂這些球隊…(it"s so good to see them back, I miss the old CL with Milan Liverpool Lyon ..

Praydaythemice(阿森納球迷)：我好想念當年的阿森納！(I miss the old arsenal.)

Goforyou(拜仁球迷)：我們也想啊！(Us, too.)

bigbod99(未知主隊球迷)：賽前人們開玩笑說，利物浦這場就只需要在中場倒腳90分鐘就行了，沒想到紅軍還真就這麼幹了…(Half jokingly people were saying Liverpool could just pass it round the midfield for 90 minutes, but they actually did the absolute thing.)

Vaspap(利物浦球迷)：我們明明還踢中了次門框好吧…(At least we hit the post.)

Koptimism(利物浦球迷)：雖然這場踢波爾圖沒進球，但紅軍這賽季在歐冠的進球數，都比埃弗頓在聯賽中的進球數還多了…(Dispite not scoring againt Porto, Liverpool have now scored more goals in the Champions League than Everton have in the Premier League this season.)

ShetlandJames(鄧迪聯球迷)：有時候我們就得需要這種比較，那就是無論你混得多蛋疼，總會有人比你更慘…(We all need reminders that no matter how shit we can be, someone else is worse.)

TheMexicanJuan(墨西哥球迷)：恭喜阿森納！這樣他們在更加艱苦的第2輪里就有站著死的資本了！(Good result for Arsenal to carry on to a tougher stadium for the 2nd leg reverse.)

CarsenAF(阿森納球迷)：哈哈，教授續約24年已經板上釘釘啦！(Lol Wenger 24 year extension confirmed.)

0fiuco(AC米蘭球迷)：加圖索其實應該脫下正裝，露出裡面的AC米蘭球衣然後再安排自己替補出場的…(Gattuso should Just tear his dress and reveal a Milan uniform under It, then sub himself in.)

Mr_Lich12(曼城球迷)：真沒想到，我竟然看了一場阿森納在壓上進攻的比賽…(Can"t believe i am actually watching Arsenal pressing and attacking.)

manInTheWoods(瑞典球迷)：不，這不是我所熟悉的阿森納！(This is not the Arsenal I was told to expect.)

CrazayTaylor9(熱刺球迷)：現在，就連阿森納也不能給我帶來樂子了…(Can"t even count on Arsenal to make me feel better.)

tarakian-grunt(利物浦球迷)：阿森納也許就擅長顛覆人們的預期吧…(Arsenal are masters at defying expectations.)

好了，親愛的小夥伴們，本期的「國外也有段子手」就為大家播報到這裡啦，讓我們下期不見不散！

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