生活當如一場華麗冒險

年輕的人們總有種種困惑：我該怎樣在日復一日的平淡中找回生活的激情？生命怎樣才能綻放奇異的光彩？我是否為了他人的期待而背叛了自己的內心？生活卻說：答案現在還不能給你，因為經歷一切比知道答案更重要。帶著這些問題去探索吧，在許久之後的某一天，你會在不經意間發現自己正在慢慢靠近答案。

點擊此處聽音頻~

My alarm sounds at 7:00, just like it did the day before. I shower, put on a new suit that fits but doesn』t fit me, andnuke1)a bowl of instant oatmeal. I walk to work.

7點鐘，我的鬧鐘響了，和前一天一樣。我沖完澡，換上一套合身但並不適合我的新套裝，用微波爐煮了一碗速食燕麥粥。之後我步行去上班。

Nine or so hours later I walk home along the same streets. The sun beats down. Sweat beads dance on my forehead, while my suit screams to be dry-cleaned. I take it off and put on my workoutgarb2)and amble down to my apartment』s dank, kitchen-sized gym. It』s free, I remind myself.

大約九個鐘頭後，我沿著來時的街道步行回家。烈日當頭，我的額頭上滿是汗珠，身上的衣服也亟須乾洗。我脫下套裝，穿上運動服，緩慢地朝公寓里那陰濕的、像廚房一樣大小的健身房走去。它是免費的，我提醒自己。

I finish; shower for a second time. I feel guilty for using more clean water in a day than a child from my village in Ghana used in a month. I makebutternut squash3) ravioli4).Check that5), I boil boxed pasta from Trader Joe』s. I don』t cookper se6). I heat things.

運動結束後，我又沖了個澡。我感到很內疚，因為我一天用的清潔水比在迦納我們村裡的小孩一個月用的還多。接著，我做了冬南瓜餡的小方餃。不對，我煮的是從老喬的店裡買的盒裝麵食。我不親自下廚，我只加熱食物。

Sitting on my couch, I flip aimlessly through the channels on the TV and settle onHow I Met Your Mother.Barney7)』s musings on women fade into the background as I figure out what comes next. Probably bed.

我坐在沙發上，漫不經心地給電視換台，最後選定了《老爸老媽浪漫史》。巴尼對女人的思考慢慢淡出，成為背景，我知道接下來要做什麼了——大概該上床睡覺了。

This day has happened more than I care to admit. It became something of a routine this fall. Routines aren』t all bad, I suppose. We are what we do over and over again, so if you』re intentional about your time, you can structure moments of self-reflection and discovery in your day. You can express gratitudeon the reg8). You can volunteer, go to yoga, read a book, or write 500 words, allotting an hour for each New Year』s resolution.

這樣日子太多了，多得我都不想承認。今年秋天，這樣的生活似乎成為一種常態。我想常規的生活也並非毫無益處。正是這些不斷重複的舉動造就了我們，所以只要你刻意規劃自己的時間，你就能在一天中安排出時間來自省和探索。你可以常常表達謝意，可以做志願者、練瑜伽、讀書或是寫篇500字的文章，給你的每個新年計劃都分配一小時的時間。

1. nuke [nju?k]vt.用微波爐烹制(食物)

2. garb [ɡɑ?(r)b]n.(尤指特種)服裝；裝束

3. butternut squash：[植]冬南瓜(一種黃瓤冬季南瓜)

4. ravioli [?r?vi???li]n.義大利式小方餃

5. check that：用於更正之前的話或句子，相當於「收回之前的話」。

6. per se [?p??(r)?se?]adv.親身，本身

7. Barney：巴尼，美劇《老爸老媽浪漫史》中的人物，公司高管，放蕩而恐於承諾。

8. on the reg：經常，定期地

But you know how this goes. Life gets in the way. You get stuck in routines that don』t feel like you. You move from one pre-defined activity to the next without cause for pause, for self-reflection. You forget from time to timethat 「interesting」 doesn』t just happen, that a passionate and engaged life isn』t something reserved like a place in line, but grabbed by the balls.

可你知道會發生什麼——生活會來妨礙你。你被困在日復一日的生活中，感覺已經不是自己。你一個接一個地做著預先設定好的事，沒有理由停下或是自省。你時常會忘記，「趣事」不會無緣無故地發生，充實而富有激情的生活是靠勇氣爭取來的，而不是像排隊的位置那樣會為你保留。

You grow up with a bunch of beginnings. You go to school for the first time, play your first sport, get your first report card, feel butterflies on your first date, endure your first heart stomping, see your first sunset, travel by yourself for the first time, and apply for your first job. And then your second. Forever doesn』t feel like a fiction. The passion and excitement you feel lives in the curiosity of childhood, in the newness of each activity, in the crinkle of your toes. In my nephew, Sam, it lives in his legs that dangle like eggbeaters.

你的成長伴隨著很多開始：第一次上學，第一次參加體育活動，第一次拿到成績單，第一次約會時體會到心如鹿撞的感覺，第一次承受心碎的感覺，第一次看日落，第一次獨自旅行，申請第一份工作。然後是第二次。那時你不會覺得「永恆」是小說里才有的東西。你感受到的激情和興奮存在於童年的好奇中，存在於每次活動的新鮮感中，存在於腳趾的褶皺中。對我的侄子薩姆來說，激情與興奮存在於他那晃得像打蛋器一樣的腿上。

But this feeling fades. Forever, you realize, is a fable. Ends start to appear just as often as beginnings. The world』s weight feels less like a feather than a tanker. Wandering without fear or stress won』tcut it9). You need a plan to make the most of your time. The excitement and passion that came so easy in adolescence is replaced by expectations and responsibilities. The former now seem in conflict, if not indulgent, when considering the latter.

但這些感覺會慢慢消失。你發現「永恆」只是無稽之談。就像經常有開始一樣，生活中也開始經常出現結束。生活的重量不再是輕如羽毛，更多的是重如油輪。無憂無慮、輕鬆自在地閑逛並不能使你完成工作，你需要制訂計劃來充分利用自己的時間。青春年少時輕易便可獲得的興奮與激情如今被期望和責任所取代。考慮到後者，前者如今看來即便算不上放縱，也是相互矛盾的。

Don』t get me wrong—I would never go back to being 10, try as my mom might. But this evolution can be disorienting. Up to this point you』ve followed a path mediated by others. By the structure of school, the beliefs and decisions of your parents, the logical next step. Days are laid out before you, full of beginnings, like a choose-your-own-adventure book. Then you grow up and start to wonder, 「how can I live a more passionate life?」—which, if you』re anything like me, precipitates anavalanche10)of dizzying questions about what you value, who you are, and who you want to become. Your self-identity is a puzzle and you don』t yet have all the pieces.

別誤會我，我絕不是想要回到十歲的時候，不管我媽如何努力。只是這個成長的過程會讓人無所適從。時至今日，你所走的道路都是由別人來協調的——由學校的體系、父母的觀念和決定以及合乎常理的下一步來協調的。生活展現在你的面前，充滿了新的開始，像是一本可以自主選擇奇遇的書。然後，你長大了，開始思考怎樣才能過上更有激情的生活。如果你在某些方面也與我一樣，這種思考會引發一大堆令人頭昏腦漲的問題，包括你最看重什麼，你是誰，你想成為什麼樣的人。你的自我認同就像一個拼圖遊戲，而你還沒有拿到所有的拼板。

How do you find the missing pieces? I spent the next six months interviewing friends and family, hoping their advice and stories might guide. I learned a lot about myself. Forever friends and family can help you see your blind spots. They pick up on patterns, on why you do what you do and say what you say, on what sits beneath the surface. For example, I realized that I too often put being liked over being me and, ironically but not at all that surprisingly, that I』m too hard on myself, that I extend compassion to others but not me. I also learned that I』m not alone in any of this. I learned that it is not easy totrack down11)your story, that the search for self is an exercise in vulnerability, in being seen for you. I learned that this struggle to break from a routine—to find passion in what you do, to find your voice—is something we all go through. There is something reassuring, beautiful even, in how human this is.

怎樣找到那些缺失的拼板呢？在接下來的六個月里，我詢問了許多朋友和家人，希望他們的建議和故事能給我以指導。我對自己有了很多了解。摯友和家人總是能幫你看到自己的盲點。他們了解你做事的方式，了解你做某些事和說某些話的原因，也了解你隱藏於外表之下的內心世界。例如，我就認識到自己太在意如何討別人喜歡而沒有做自己；我對自己過於苛刻——這很諷刺，但也不讓人覺得那麼意外；我對別人充滿同情，對自己卻不是如此。我還了解到並非只有我一人有這些問題。我了解到，要找尋自己的人生並非易事，追尋自我就會將弱點示人，是一個通過別人來看清自己的過程。我了解到，掙扎著要脫離慣常的瑣事，從你所做的事情中發現激情、尋找自己的聲音，這是我們所有人都會經歷的。這是多麼普遍的一種人類共性，讓人感到有些欣慰，甚至是美好。

Perhaps more than anything, I learned to 「live the questions,」 that it』s more important to explore my story than know it. InLetters to a Young Poet,Ranier Maria Rilke12)says this:

或許更重要的是我學會了「帶著問題生活」，我認識到探索自己的生活比知道答案更為重要。拉尼爾·馬里亞·里爾克在《給青年詩人的信》中寫道：

「You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don』t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.」

「你是如此年輕，一切還都未開始。我要盡我所能請求你，親愛的先生，對於你心裡一切未解決的疑問要有耐心，要努力去愛這些問題本身，像是愛鎖著的房間，或是用完全不懂的外文寫成的書。不要去尋找答案，這些答案現在還不能給你，因為那樣你就不能在生活中體驗它們了。問題的關鍵就在於親身經歷一切。現在，你就帶著這些問題生活吧。或許，在許久之後的某一天，你會在生活中不經意間漸漸揭曉問題的答案。」

To live the questions, it would seem, you have to first admit the questions to yourself. You have to admit uncertainty in a world that doesn』t value it. You have to be vulnerable in a world that considers it a weakness. Youhave to be you. You have to live with a child』s curiosity.

看來，要帶著這些問題生活，你首先要向自己承認這些問題。你必須承認生活中存在不確定性，儘管世人不喜歡這一點。你必須得有脆弱的一面，儘管這被世人視為弱點。你必須做你自己。你必須帶著孩子一樣的好奇心去生活。

A few weeks ago I was at a wedding in Idaho. I sat in the grass next to Sam in front of the bluest lake you』ve ever seen. He got up to run and discover the world around him—his routine, an exploration. And I chased him.

幾周前，我在愛達荷州參加一個婚禮。我挨著薩姆坐在草地上，面前是你所能見到的最藍的湖。薩姆站起身跑開了，去探索他周圍的世界。這就是他每天要做的事——開始一次探索之旅。於是我朝他追了過去。

9. cut it：完成工作，勝任工作

10. avalanche [??v??lɑ?nt?]n.大量，突然到來的一大批

11. track down：(經過長時間艱難搜索後)找到

12. Ranier Maria Rilke：拉尼爾·馬里亞·里爾克(1875~1926)，奧地利詩人、作家，對19世紀末的詩歌體裁和風格以及歐洲頹廢派文學都有深厚的影響。

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