誤區！誰說作文例子一定要有「靈魂」？

GIF

▼

主編：張智超 | ID：InsightintoIELTS

美編運營： 李雨若 | 圖：網路

轉載請在後台輸入轉載

「

@鵝叔：寫作論證的時候，最常見的論證方法之一就是舉例子。但是，例子寫得太泛，會顯得無力，太具體，又顯得像講故事的記敘文。要想讓自己觀點顯得充分實在，今天推薦的「無靈魂」之術，可以讓你破解舉例的封印。

1

引言

每一個大作文的題目方框下面，都有一句通用的話：

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

除了給出我們回答的理由（reasons）之外，我們需要包含很多的相關例子（example）。

雖說舉例不是強制要求（沒有相關例子也無需編造），但是，有例子，總會讓論證更加有說服，也更加生動（參考往期推送：如何加強論證說服力）。

於是，很多學生開始非常詳細的陳述自己的親身經歷，把寫作 task 2 變成了口語 part 2。我不否認，任何人的經歷都是有價值的，有論證的作用的。

但是，過於主觀的描述，會讓例子讀起來更像是作者某一次的小經歷，而不是適用於所有的條件下，都可以成立的理由。

為了減少主觀性，今天的方法，就要幫你寫出一個具體，但是不那麼具體的例子（感覺自己在繞口令）。沒有了人的「靈魂」，例子仍舊鮮活生動。

2

正文

先請大家對比同樣的例子的兩種寫法，看看哪種更有說服力：

●題目：旅遊業的發展好不好

方式1：

The development of tourism industry can greatly boost the economy. For example, when I went to Thailand last year, I talked to a local food provider and found that he was able to make a living because of the increasing number of tourists who are looking for traditional delicacies. Also, I have similar experience in Egypt, as I discover that many business owners have generated income from the growth of tourism.

方式2：

The economic boost that accompanies a successful travel industry is quite well recognised and Thailand is the best example. The entire Thai economy revolves around tourism and the country had been able to uplift its socioeconomic status through its flourishing hospitality sector. Egypt is another nation that is heavily dependent on its hospitality sector. The growth in the number of incoming tourists leads to innumerable prospects in terms of local entrepreneurship and employment generation.

相比而言，雖然第一種寫得沒有任何錯誤，第二種方式，更加正式、客觀，表達也會更多的高分可能性，以及最重要的，增強的論證的說服力。

反向總結，好的例子，往往有下面幾個特徵：

▍1. 使用第三人稱

相比而言，第一人稱 I/ we 會局限在作者自己身上，作者的主觀體驗和感受太強，如果我是考官，我會有質疑：你經歷過的，別人也經歷過嗎？

第二人稱 you 則很多時候會顯得比較口語化。並且，很多的 you 的句子放到考官身上，未必行得通，會影響表達的正式性和論證的可信度。

第三人稱即 ta/ 他們/ 任何非代詞的詞。這樣寫，不再局限在自己或者「你」身上，而是能體現例子針對的範圍非常廣，顯得更普適一些。寫得時候，也推薦用複數 they/ them/ their，否則會徒增 he or she/ his or her/ him or her 的啰嗦。

比如：

大學生是否需要做義工，我覺得很好，舉例我自己曾經參加過的志願者項目：

For example,Ivolunteered in Semarang, Indonesia in my third summer break during my college life. I think the experience is extremely rewarding becauseIwas able to work with young people from around the globe, and helping people in another country has greatly improvedmycommunication skills and survival abilities.

改成：

For example,college studentsinvolved in volunteer activities in another country are able to work with youngsters from around the globe, and helping people in an unfamiliar environment could greatly improvetheircommunication skills and survival abilities. Such experience is extremely rewarding when considering their future development in an increasingly globalized world.

▍2. 以「非人」做主語

很多時候，凡是在例子裡面提到了人，不論是第幾人稱，多少都會有一點點的主觀性，或者比較故事化了。

如果可以，乾脆把人去掉，就用我們要說的事情、物品、地點等做主語寫句子，往往可以幫助我們把例子寫好。

比如：

政府是否應該全額負擔養老院開銷。我反對，舉到了一個例子：

For example, I went to visitmy grandfatherin a state-owned nursing home last week, I found that many of the facilities were dilapidated and the limited number of nurses made many elderly left unattended. Though the total fee is covered fully by the government, I strongly doubt whethermy grandfathercould be well-treated.

改成：

For example, in manystate-owned nursing homes, because of the financial restraints the facilities are dilapidated and the limited number of nurses makes many elderly left unattended. Though the total fee is covered fully by the government, I strongly doubt whether the aged could be well-treated.

▍3. 使用類別總稱 + such as

由於我們的例子比較個性化，很可能只涉及到了很多角度中的一個。為了體現全面性，我們不如把例子改成其對應的集合概念，然後例子的角度，用 such as 帶出來。

比如：

網路教育到底好不好，我覺得很好，舉例提到了我自己上過的一個網站上的課：

For example, I registered for some courses in a website namedCoursera, which has a variety of courses of a wide range of subjects. The majority of the lessons are free and through this website, I have learned much useful knowledge that interests me.

改成：

For example, numerous MOOC (massive open online course)providers such asCoursera, Udacity, and edX enable unlimited participation and open access to high quality courses via the web. In addition to traditional course materials such as filmed lectures, readings, and problem sets, many MOOCs now can provide interactive user forums to support community interactions among students, professors, and teaching assistants.

▍4. 無主觀情感詞

從描述的代入感來講，如果是寫小說，我們一定會加上非常豐富的修飾詞，特別是關於主觀的感情和感覺的描述，比如：極度憂傷的、小心翼翼的、不好意思卻又充滿好奇的…

但是，雅思寫作畢竟號稱自己是學術寫作，太多主觀的情感詞，就讓文章讀起來缺少正式性。我們可以直接刪去，替換為較為常規的中性表達，或者是客觀的事實性陳述。

比如：

政府是否應該提高油價，我覺得不好，因為油價高了，開車成本變大，本來就人艱不拆，上有老下有小的，再這麼搞，我就爆炸了：

For example, I live in the suburb and the only way I can travel to my workplace is to drive my own car. A higher price of petrol means about a few hundreds of dollars extra spending each month, and Istrongly opposethis new policy for I canhardly beara higher living cost with my low salary and with both aged parents and young children to support and take care of.

改成：

For example, many people now live in the suburb but have to travel to their workplaces in the downtown. When the only option available for daily commuting is to drive private cars, a higher price of petrol could be burdensome,pushing up the cost of livingbeyond their reach.

3

結語

每次說到舉例子，還是挺難拿捏度數的。畢竟，任何的例子，即便是主觀、個性化的例子，即便沒有任何代表性，也是真實存在的，也是有一丟丟的說服力的。

更何況，雅思官方並沒有主動說過，一定不能寫自己的某一次的小故事。某種程度而言，個人的親身經歷，往往對於學生而言，會更好操作一些。

但是，我始終認為，一個好的論證，應該是窮盡所有的可能性。雖然雅思篇幅很有限，肯定做不到窮盡，但是至少，我們的例子不能「太局限」，如果只有一個小點，並且是我們自己的獨有的經歷，恐怕離充分性還相差很遠。

下次舉例，嘗試把「人」去掉，多去客觀描述，這樣的例子一定不會讓考官失望。

GIF

請大家嘗試用今天的方法，把下面的一個「主觀」的例子，變成沒有「靈魂」的客觀有說服力的例子吧。

Children could gain some useful information from advertisements. I remember when I was young, I saw an advertisement about how wild animals are tortured by humans and how painful they are when they are used in the chemical research. This has left deep impression on me, so I now never use anything that is made from animals.

GIF

喜歡這篇文章嗎？立刻分享出去讓更多人知道吧！