孩子的無聊遊戲，大人不想陪玩怎麼辦？

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問

我的孩子找我玩遊戲，可是我覺得沒意思，不想玩，我該怎麼做？

勞倫斯·科恩

美國臨床心理學家

兒童遊戲治療師

這個問題來自於一位五歲孩子的媽媽，她說有時候遊戲太無聊了，我不想參加，怎麼辦呢？我很能理解你，因為作為一位父親，我也曾經花很長的時間陪小孩子做非常無聊的事情。那我們為什麼還要這麼做呢？

因為作為父母，我們第一位的工作就是和孩子聯結，進入他們的世界。然而，孩子是不大可能跑來桌子邊坐下，討論我們感興趣的話題，來一次成人談話的。因此，要想進入他們的世界，就需要我們坐到地板上，和他們玩他們喜歡的遊戲。我和女兒一起玩過芭比娃娃和玩偶，一起看過特別無聊的電視節目，我做這些就是為了和她聯結。而且，我真地覺得這並不是作為父母最難的部分。想想我們給孩子換過的無數尿不濕，那些並非我們主動選擇、而又不得不花時間做的事情。但是，我們還是做了，因為我們愛孩子，而且我們明白，讓孩子知道我們很在乎他們非常重要。

再說了，雖然這些遊戲很無聊，但是我知道，你一定在生活中做過比這些遊戲更加無聊的事情。你上過學吧，12年、15年甚至20年，有時候在學校做的事請可比孩子要你玩的遊戲無聊多了。

最後一點，應對無聊遊戲的最佳搭檔就是計時器。上一個十分鐘的鬧鈴，告訴自己：「這十分鐘里，我可以做任何事情，包括這些無聊的遊戲。事實上，我還可以帶著額外的熱情去玩這些遊戲。」所以，你就設定好十分鐘，然後問孩子：「嘿，你想玩小美人魚的遊戲嗎？」因為知道十分鐘後計時器會拯救你，所以你一定能夠充滿熱情地和孩子好好玩，而且說不定你還會驚訝地發現自己挺樂在其中的。

我還有發現了另外一個非常有用的方法：就是用搞笑地方式誇張地表達出你有多討厭這個遊戲。你可千萬不能嚴肅地直接說：「你好無聊，你的遊戲也很無聊，我可不想和你玩。」這種方式對孩子說，就太恐怖、太可怕、太殘忍了！你可以用特別搞笑的方式說：「求求你了，求你，求你，求你，千萬別讓我再玩同一個遊戲了！什麼遊戲都行，只要不是這個遊戲！求求你了，求你，求你，求你，我們玩點別的吧！如果還玩那個遊戲，我可能會死掉的，啊～～～」然後你就倒下。這樣做的目的是為了和孩子一起哈哈大笑，把你對那個遊戲抗拒的感覺大聲笑出來。用特別誇張和搞笑的方式大聲說出你真實的感受，並不會刺痛孩子，他們即便聽到了也不會感到受傷。而你也有機會說出自己的真實想法，我想這樣就達到了一種雙贏的局面。而且，我常常發現，當我特別誇張地演出來，又和孩子一起哈哈大笑之後，就不是那麼介意玩他的遊戲了。

最後一點，要記住，我們總是想讓孩子順應我們的要求，去做他們並不喜歡的事情。我們希望他們在各個方面好好配合：刷牙洗臉、收拾玩具、去上學等等。既然這樣，如果我們想讓他們合作，我們自己就要先做個表率。如果當他們向我們提要求時，我們總是說：「不要，不要，我不想玩。你自己去玩吧，我不喜歡那個遊戲。」那麼，當我們叫他們去上學，而他們回答說：「不要，不要，我不喜歡學校，我不想去上學。」時，也就沒什麼可驚訝的了。所以，當孩子邀請你玩遊戲時，為了做表率，你可以說：「哦！那個遊戲呀！好啊！我陪你玩！」玩你不喜歡的遊戲，或許你最後也不會喜歡上這遊戲，但是你能應付得了。而且當孩子長大一點之後，他們的遊戲就不會這麼無聊了。

Thislast question is from a mother of a five years old, who said that games aresometimes so boring that she doesn』t want to join and what can I do then. WellI certainly have empathy for you because I"ve spent a lot of time as a parentof a young child doing things that were very boring. Then why do we do themanyway? Because our number one job is to connect with children, and that meansjoin in with them where they live. And there"re not likely to come and sit,have an adult conversation with us at the table about the things we"reinterested in. So the way to join them is to get on the floor and play thegames they love. I played my share of Barbie and dolls and I watched reallyboring television shows and I did all that because my job was to connect. And Ireally don"t think this is actually the hardest thing we do as parents. Thinkof all the nappies (diapers) you changed, think of the things we do that arenot what we chose to do to spend our time. We do that because we love ourchildren and we know how important it"s for them that they know we care aboutthem. Also, as boring as these games are, I know that you"ve done more boringthings in your lives because you"ve been through twelve or fifteen or twentyyears in school, and you had to spent some times in school that were moreboring than the games that our children want to play. Finally, your biggestfriend with games that are boring is a timer. Set a timer for ten minutes, andjust tell yourself, "I can do anything for ten minutes. I can even playthese boring games. In fact, I can play with extra enthusiasm." So you seta timer for ten minutes and you say, "Hi, do you want to play the littlemermaid game?" And for ten minutes you really can do this with extraenthusiasm because you know you are going to be saved by the timer at the endof the ten minutes, so you may actually discover a big surprise, that you evenhave fun with it. Now another thing you can do and I found it really helpful,is to exaggerate in a really funny way how much you hate these games. Now younever want to say straight out to your child in a serious way, "you areboring and your games are boring and I don"t like to play with you." Thatwould be horrible and terrible mean things to say to your child. But you cansay in a really funny way, "Please, please, please, not that same gameagain! Anything but that. Please, please, please, can we play something else? Ithink I might die if I have to play that game. Er-er-er." You fall over.And the point of this is to laugh and laugh and laugh together about your ownresistance to the game. To say something out loud that actually is true but yousay it in such an exaggerated way, such a funny way,that it doesn"t sting the child, doesn"t hurt the child to hear it. But you getto say it and so this is a win-win I think. And often I found after Iexaggerate all that and laugh about it and get children laughing about that,then I actually don"t mind play that game so much. And the last thing to keepin mind is that we want to teach children to go along with us about things thataren"t their favorite things. We want them to cooperate with cleaning up andwith putting away toys and going to school. And so, if we want them to do that,we have to model that for them. If we say, when they want us to do something,"No, no, no, I don"t feel like it. No, no, go do that by yourself. I don"tlike that game," then we can"t be surprised if we tell them it』s time forschool and they say, "I don"t like school. I don"t feel like it. I don"twant to." So, we have to be good role models by saying, "oh, thatgame, sure, I"ll play that game. " And well, you might not end up lovingit but you get through it. And when children grow up, their games become alittle more interesting.

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