一個母親的歷程

最新 05-29

It was 2am in the morning and it felt like I had wet the bed…...

I was oblivious. I was anxious and almost fearful. Then a little voice said to me, " It』s time! 』"

凌晨兩點，我感覺床濕，羊水破了。

身體卻僵硬著沒有反應過來。令人焦慮、害怕的時刻終於來臨。輕輕地，傳來一個聲音：「時間到了 ...... "

上組圖：烘焙使我專註，放鬆，有滿足感。不說不知道，我常將吃剩下的蛋糕，餵養家對面河邊的鴨群，不到一年的功夫，都被我養胖了。

That very morning marked the beginning of an exciting journey as a mom… I became the mom of a 2.94 kg little being that very moment.

Just like every other mom, it was a trial and error process, learning while on the job. You read through every good book recommendation from the parents』 forum and armed yourself with all the tips, tricks, knowledge and experts』 advice. Sometimes they worked, sometimes not.

那天早上，我懷抱 2.94 公斤的小不點兒，開始走上為人母的精彩旅程。

這是個不斷嘗試、犯錯、糾結的學習過程。你孜孜不倦，讀完暢銷榜上所有的育兒書籍、通過不同渠道加入各種媽媽群、沒完沒了地索取貼士、取偏方、聽經驗、信任專家意見 ...... 時靈，時不靈。

上圖：兒子第一次嘗試做曲奇餅。

My toddler was active, fun loving, brought smiles to everyone who met him. I found myself losing weight very quickly running after my little boy. He was blessed to be breast fed for two whole years. We had a strong bond and I was almost the only person who could soothe him and it brought warm, fuzzy feeling within me.

兒子活潑好動，用不完的精力，帶給身邊每一個人陽光般的笑容。

每天跟在他後面跑、跳、玩、耍......體重不消說，迅速下降，成功代替從前的運動健身習慣。

連續兩年母乳餵養，我與兒子之間，不知不覺，產生一條最親密的紐帶。每當孩子遇事不開心、鬧情緒，我是可以令他放下戒備線的不二人選；相對應地，這種被需要的窩心和溫暖、滋潤著我的內心。

From the age of three, I knew this boy would be a quick learner. He reads well, keeps himself busy with every interaction toy and never stops moving. He was a typical boy, always seeking for new adventures and always bursting with energy. It was tiring keeping up with him as we were running a business from home at that time. He would be in his bouncer in the guest room while I worked in the other. I stole every free moment to work, cook and do my chores while he was asleep. Life was full on, stressful but I knew I had what it took to be mom.

三歲的時候，我開始發現兒子，學習速度快，專註力強，男孩子擁有的一切特質，都能在他身上體現：是個精力無窮、愛尋找新事物探險、喜歡刺激的小淘氣。

在家中當自由工作者，並沒有減輕我任何必要的勞累。

將孩子放在客房彈跳床，我去對面書房工作，來回穿梭。

我要與時間賽跑，分秒必爭地工作、煮飯、趁兒子睡覺時處理家事雜物。生活充實、緊張，讓人透不過氣，當媽媽不容易。

I won』t pretend I enjoyed every bit of the journey. It was sacrificial, challenging and at times, overwhelming. Being a hands-on mom, you learned everything from mistakes and you did everything you could to give him the best. You protected him from critics, shielded him from judging friends and ensured he had the happiest childhood ever.

The younger school years seemed easy though I had to deal with Chinese teachers』 remarks about compliance and submission, avirtue that was too hard for my active and adventurous boy. But knowing that his primary school years would be less authoritarian when we migrate, I didn』t take those negative comments too seriously.

我並不打算假惺惺地告訴大家，自己在為人母的道路上，享受著每分每秒。

母親兩字，包含太多的犧牲、挑戰，有時候甚至與理智背道而馳地不顧一切。

「實戰型媽媽」是對自己的總結：一次次地從錯誤中學習，盡一切力量提供給孩子好的條件；保護他，使他免於遭受外界批評；以及來自身邊朋友，嚴格挑剔的品頭論足；我簡單地希望，兒子的童年健康開心。

幼兒園生涯千遍一律，兒子好動頑皮的性格特徵，在亞州傳統文化教育主流下，顯得格格不入，需要面對老師無境止地對「順從、聽話、乖」的質疑。司空見慣的評語，對當時已決定移民澳州的我們，聲音微弱不足道，並不以為意。

In 2011 , we embarked on our new journey to Australia. It was exciting and I had no idea what would our next years be. My boy started year 1 and the journey just got better for me.

Being the only child, it was time to create new friendships and mingle with the locals. I got involved with parent help in class, we camped with the year level, I mingled with parents and teachers; all efforts were working towards setting up a better school support environment for my 7 years old.

2011年，事無巨細，圍繞著我們生命中的新章回－移民澳州，緩緩展開。

我對未來一無所知，新奇中夾雜著莫名興奮。

兒子順利進入小學一年級，作為獨生子女，其首要任務是交新朋友、適應當地生活，多參與集體活動。我因此忙碌地加入社區父母群，積極尋求學校老師的幫助配合 ...... 生活所有重心，似乎都在為轉接七歲兒子的學校事宜為目的。

Life continued on and fast tracking to year three, I knew something was different about my child. He was outspoken, fidgety, 『calling out』 was his middle name and he would get into trouble with teachers for talking at the wrong time. Never would I thought the journey was becoming more eventful but it did.

That year, I sought all kinds of natural therapies, consulted many educators and counsellors, with the goal to find out what was making my boy stood out. He was a fast reader, learner and an absolute bright boy.

生活，齒輪般轉動，環環相扣，來到第三年。

「我的孩子與眾不同」的想法被證實。

他心直口快，會為芝麻綠豆點小事坐立不安，常在錯誤的時間點與老師發生衝突 ...... 無論我如何祈求這段路程能夠走得相對輕鬆一點，該發生的還是無法避免。

那年，我踏遍各大診所、心理咨訊、教育顧問，帶著證明自己孩子，不過是比別人更聰穎、讀書更快更出眾的目標，為他找一條立足之路。

On the home front, it was less than perfect. What looked like a normal day would be one that was filled with tension and words exchange. He was often mistaken of being a defiant kid who would not take 『no』 for an answer. I was that mom who fought to help understand that my son was perfectly normal and he was just that type who learned differently.

He soon realized that he was different. Growing pains was more than just a social issue. He felt isolated, judged and angry that he was different from his peers. For a mom, it was painful, devastating and frustrating. I wept many days and nights, had many meetings with teachers and educators, sought all the advices and help I could grab. I spent countless hours encouraging him, teaching him and it became frustrating and disheartening.

家庭生活，也不輕鬆。日常瑣碎的背後，充滿著各種爭執。

兒子常被誤認為愛挑釁、無法接受對方說「不」 ...... 作為母親，我只希望大家不要以異樣的眼光，看待我的孩子，他有別於大眾，僅此而已，請不要排斥他。

認識到自己的「特別」，伴隨而來是成長的痛苦。被群體孤立的滋味，讓他感到憤怒，不被理解的徬惶，轉化成為對身邊人的抵觸和敵意。

再沒有比看到兒子痛苦，更讓做母親的感到不知所措了。我竭盡所能，抓住一切機會，一邊尋求專業意見，一邊鼓勵、開解、支持他。

我心力交瘁、無助、沮喪，也會無緣無故地哭泣 ......

There were nights where I would sit next to his bed and prayed. Tears would flow out of sadness and it was hard to make anyone understand my heart as a mom. Like every other mom, I wanted him to grow up to be a strong, kind, happy and responsible child. But his sadness became mine and his frustrations was the burden I shouldered.

Fast tracked to high school, life was a roller-coaster and I would be nervous in every new school year. Who would be his teachers? Will they be kind towards him? Do they understand his brain』s processing speed is faster than an average kid? Will he be judged? Will he get into trouble? The questions will center around negativity.

晚上，坐在兒子床邊，祈禱，眼淚不自禁地掉下來，母親的心，無人可傾訴。

天下媽媽，都希望自己的骨肉，長大後，堅強、通情達理、快樂、有擔當。反之，要與孩子共憂傷，同分擔。

生命如過山車，年復一年，時光飛逝。

新學期來臨之際，我為同樣的疑問緊張、煩惱：

「新任班主任是誰？」

「寬容以待嗎？」

「能夠得到身邊同學、老師、家長們的認可嗎？」

「會被貼標籤嗎？」

「會惹麻煩嗎？」

問題周而復始，令人沮喪。

It took me years to realize that for my child to succeed, I would need to partner with teachers, therapists and educators. Though the process is not an easy one, I need to stay open, explore options and implement creativity in to our daily lives.

Many had cautioned me that teen years are the hardest years. I don』t deny it but I have to constantly remind myself that I would need to embrace them, be open to learning for it is only once that teen years remain. They will eventually passed with many boxes of tissue paper and heartache moments. Armed with support, expertise, knowledge and lots of prayers, this mother journey will continue and like they say, 『 Once a mom, always a mom 』.

經過這麼多年，方才真正領悟，兒子通往成功的道路，需要家人長期配合老師、心理學家、教育諮詢，是多方共同努力的成果。

過程充滿挑戰，我必須以一個積極開放的態度，通過探索不同的途徑，走出一條屬於自己的未來。

常被身邊人告誡，關於育兒的種種。無可否認，青春期最堅難。

前路等待著我的，是兒子屬於青春的不安 ....... 流多少眼淚，擦光多少紙巾，儲備多少合頭疼葯，都沒關係。

一日為母，終身為母。