真的很抱歉，我們可以只做……戀人嗎？

最新 06-16

有道看天下

Word to world：用英語視角帶你看世界

有道晨讀周一至周日每日更新

愛情與友情，孰貴？

One of the most subtly hurtful and quietly damning of all remarks,

這是生活中最委婉傷人的話之一，像一個悄無聲息的詛咒。

perhaps sweetly delivered on the doorstep at the end of a long evening, with the taxi still hovering somewhere just out of sight,

可能發生在一個漫長的夜晚後，計程車還遲遲未能駛離視線以外，

is the suggestion that we should, in the end, probably remain 『just good friends』.

對方在門口輕聲吐出的甜美話語，暗示著到頭來——「我們還是做好朋友吧」。

We know exactly what to understand by this.

這句話，我們再明白不過了。

The path towards a tender future is being gently but firmly closed off.

通向幸福未來的大門就這樣溫柔卻又不容置疑地關閉了。

We are, with a smile, being shunted into the category of the failed, the ignored and the lightly despised.

在婉拒的笑容下，我們被歸入失敗者的行列，承受著忽視和輕蔑。

We return crushed to an apartment which we had left with butterflies and elevated hopes only a few hours before.

帶著破碎的心，我們回到公寓，就在幾個小時前，這裡還充滿著美好憧憬和蓬勃希望。

We hear the invitation to a friendship as synonymous with insult,

我們將友誼的橄欖枝理解為一種侮辱，

because our Romantic culture has continuously, from a young age, made one thing sharply clear to us:

這源於我們的愛情文化，從小到大，一種理念在我們的認知中不斷強化——

love is the purpose of existence; friendship is the paltry, depleted consolation prize.

愛情才是存在的意義，友情只是微不足道的安慰獎。

If we were to judge love chiefly by its impact, by the extent of the tears,

若主要從影響來評判愛情，像流過多少淚水，

the depths of the frustrations, the viciousness of the insults that unfold in its name,

失落有多刻骨，互相的辱罵有多惡毒。

we wouldn』t continue to rate it as we do, and might indeed mistake it for a form of illness or aberration of the mind.

我們就不會這樣美化愛情，反而可能將其誤認為是一種疾病或是精神錯亂。

Those we love, we honour with our worst moods, our most unfair accusations, our most wounding insults.

對所愛之人，我們獻上最壞的情緒，最不公的指責，最傷人的侮辱。

It is to our lovers that we direct our blame for everything that has gone wrong in our lives.

我們將生活中的一切不如意都怪罪到我們所愛之人身上。

It』s they we expect to know everything we mean without bothering to explain it.

我們不願給一點解釋，卻要求他們理解一切。

It is to their minor errors and misunderstandings that we respond with sulks and rage.

我們用慪氣和憤怒回應他們的小小錯誤和誤解。

And, by comparison, in friendship, the supposedly worthless and inferior state whose mention should crush us at the end of a date,

相較之下，在友情中，在這種如同約會後的宣判死刑似的、本應毫無價值的低等關係中，

we bring our highest and noblest virtues.

我們展現出了最高尚的品德。

Here we are patient, encouraging, tolerant, funny, and, most of all, kind.

此時，我們耐心、寬容、給人鼓勵、懂得幽默，最重要的是，充滿善意。

We expect a little less and therefore, by extension, forgive an infinite amount more.

因為我們不期待那麼多，因此可以無限度地原諒。

We don』t presume that we will be fully understood, and so treat failings lightly and humanely.

我們不預設朋友可以完全理解我們，於是溫柔地對待對方的失敗。

We don』t imagine that our friends should admire us without reserve and stick by us whatever we do,

我們不強求朋友的無限讚美，不誤設朋友無原則的支持。

and so we put in effort and behave, pleasing ourselves as well as our companions along the way.

於是我們投入更多並舉止得體，在交往中使同伴和自己都感到愉悅。

We are, in the company of our friends, our best selves.

在朋友的陪伴下，我們展現最好的自己。

Paradoxically, it is friendship that offers us the real route to the pleasures that Romanticism associates with love.

荒謬的是，正是友情引領我們走向浪漫主義中，愛情帶來的歡樂。

We associate it with a casual acquaintance we see once in a while to exchange inconsequential and shallow banter.

我們將友情理解為偶然的相識、偶爾交換瑣事和玩笑這樣的點頭之交.

But real friendship is something altogether more profound and worthy of exultation.

但真正的友情比這深刻、令人歡欣得多。

It is an arena in which two people can get a sense of each other』s vulnerabilities,

在這個舞台上，兩個人互相感受、互相理解對方的脆弱之處，

appreciate each other』s follies without recrimination, reassure one another as to their value

不帶惡意地享受對方的無厘頭，肯定對方的價值觀，

and greet the sorrows and tragedies of existence with wit and warmth.

用智慧和熱情撫慰人生中的悲劇和傷痛。

In a better world, at the end of an evening, we would learn to say to certain prospective companions,

也許有一個更美好的世界裡，某一天，當夜晚結束時，當我們帶著尷尬的微笑邀請他進屋時，

with and embarrassed smile as we invited them inside, knowing that this would come across as a property painful rejection,