測一測：你是控制狂父母嗎？
Are You a Helicopter Parent? 10 Telltale Signs
來源 ：education.com
翻譯：伊頓家長大學
控制狂父母：指那些像直升飛機一樣「盤旋」在孩子身邊，總是對孩子過分保護的父母。
Helicopter parents: It"s the name given to the obsessively protective moms and dads who "hover" around their kids.
這些被過分保護的孩子最終會變成無助的青少年和成年人，總是等著媽媽來救他，這是育兒的一大禁忌。
Of course, those kids end up becoming helpless teenagers and adults who always look for mama to swoop in and save them—a major parenting no-no.
如何區分普通父母和控制過度的父母呢？下面的小測試，幫你自查是不是「控制狂父母」？
But what exactly separates the garden-variety parent from one that can"t seem to give her kids a little space? Are you a helicopter parent? Check out some of the most obvious signs.
1.你總是很難放手？
You can"t let go.
當你的小寶貝跨進幼兒園的大門，你都會感到一種隱隱的「痛」，你可能就是個「控制狂」媽媽。
If you feel something akin to physical pain when your little one heads out the door to kindergarten, you might be a heli-mom.
通常控制狂父母會對孩子非常依戀，甚至無法集中注意力到其他事情上，他們的全部精力都投入在孩子身上。
Hovering parents are so attached to their kids that it"s almost impossible to focus on anything else; daily activities, constant conversations and every ounce of effort is reserved for your child.
解決辦法：隨他去吧！
Quick Fix: Let it go!
當孩子離開的時候，你可能會感到悲傷，但是孩子需要離開父母、獨自去鍛煉社交技能。所以你與其悶悶不樂，不如花點時間發現自己的興趣，或者和朋友們去享受難得的自由自在。
You may feel sad when your child leaves you for the day but remember that kids need to have alone time to develop social skills away from watching adults. Instead of moping, enjoy your independence by devoting some time to personal interests or catching up with an adult friend.
2.總是孩子要什麼，你就給什麼？
You"re a spoiler.
沒有不希望孩子成功的父母。有些父母會扮演引導和推手的角色，而有些控制狂父母則直接把孩子往成功的方向推。
Some helicopter parents simply want to push their children to succeed, but others take on an enabler role instead.
你總是想給孩子最好的東西，最漂亮的衣服，最新潮的用品，也不管孩子是不是需要，也不要求孩子通過努力去獲得，然後你就發現自己陷入了「不斷給予」的泥潭。
Since you want the best for your child, you could find yourself in the "gimme trap," where you feel obligated to provide the cutest clothes, the latest gadgets and the best of the best for your little one, without ever asking for her to work for it.
解決辦法：適當的拒絕他
Quick Fix: Just say no.
要看著孩子的眼睛，對他說出「不」也許很難，但是從長遠來看，拒絕滿足他的突發奇想是利大於弊的。
It may be hard to look your kids in the eye and say "no," but refusing to give into their every whim will help them in the long run.
與其習慣性地用零食來獎勵孩子，不如提供一個長期的努力目標，像家庭露營或和朋友出去玩，以此來緩解他們對外在獎賞的需求。
Instead of agreeing to give your child treats on a regular basis, try tempering their need for reward by having them work towards a long-term goal, such as a family camping trip or outing with friends.
3.你總是迫不及待地想讓全世界知道
你的娃有多好？
You"re a lobbyist.
有一種最討厭的控制狂媽媽，就是把孩子的生活當成表演秀的那種。你不讓孩子犯錯，也不讓他們從錯誤中學習。
Some of the worst-offending hovercraft moms are the ones that treat their child"s lives like an audition. Instead of allowing your child to make mistakes and reap consequences.
你總是介入孩子的生活，不斷地努力證明孩子是完美的、聰明的、有趣的、陽光的、善良的、大方的……
You"re constantly stepping in to prove that your child is perfect, smart, hilarious, bright, kind, generous and everything else.
……嘿！媽媽，你不是好萊塢經紀人，你只是一個家長，你不需要全天候地「秀」孩子。
Hey, mom; you"re not a Hollywood agent... you"re a parent. Don"t feel like you have to "sell" your kid 24/7.
解決辦法：讓孩子自己發光
Quick Fix: Keep quiet.
你可能很想誇耀自己的孩子多麼出色，但是他需要學會如何與人談論自己。所以當孩子遇到新朋友時，可以鼓勵他介紹自己，談談興趣愛好等。如果他有點誇耀的意思，也蠻好的！
You may want to brag about your child"s many achievements, but kids need to learn how to talk about themselves to peers and adults. When your child meets someone new, encourage him talk about his life and interests. And if he gets a little braggy himself, all the better!
4.你時時刻刻都是孩子的貼身保鏢？
You"re a security guard.
我們來想像這樣一幅畫面：你的孩子正在開心地盪鞦韆，忽然另一個孩子出現了，他要把你的孩子推下去。你會怎麼做？
Picture this: Your kid"s playing on the swings when another child comes up and tries to push her out of the way. Are you a helicopter parent?
如果你的第一反應是像保鏢一樣，準備衝上前去解決衝突，那你就是一個「控制狂」家長。
If your first inclination is to put on your best bouncer face and step in, the answer"s probably "yes."
解決辦法：只在必要時出手
Quick Fix: Stay out of it.
不讓孩子處理衝突，等於剝奪了他對生活經驗的學習。讓孩子與同伴交涉，將幫他發展出解決問題的能力。所以別急著往前沖，先看看孩子的反應，也許你會發現驚喜。
Not allowing your child to deal with conflict robs him of life experiences. Letting your child talk through arguments with a peer will help him develop strong conflict resolution skills in the long run. Take a step back and see how he reacts; you might be surprised.
5.你替孩子做作業么？
You"re the homework helper.
你當然希望孩子考100分，那你準備怎麼做呢？如果是在凌晨1點鐘，你認真地幫孩子做作業，而他卻在手機上玩遊戲，那是不是就南轅北轍了？別忘了，你已經小學畢業了。為什麼不讓你的孩子也自己畢業呢？
Sure, you want your child to snag straight A"s at school, but at what cost? If you"re the one up until 1 a.m. gluing together a diorama of Little House on the Prairie while your child plays Angry Birds on her phone, you"ve gone too far. Don"t forget that you already passed fifth grade; why not let your child do the same?
解決辦法：聰明地問問題，而不是直接給答案
Quick Fix: Ask the right questions.
很多時候，孩子要你幫忙做作業，只是向你確認他是不是做對了。與其直接給出正確答案，不如鼓勵他自己檢查是不是做對了，或告訴他如何從書里和網上找到正確答案。這雖然需要花一些時間，但從長遠發展來看，能培養孩子獨立學習的能力。
A lot of the time when kids ask for help with their homework, they"re really asking for assurance that they"re doing the right thing. Instead of giving your child the answer, encourage him to check his work or show him how to look for the right answer in a book or online. This will take a little more time to set up, but you"ll be showing your child independent skills in the long term.
6.你有潔癖傾向么？
You"re a total germaphobe.
沒錯，細菌會傳播疾病。有一個鼻涕哈啦的7歲小孩在周圍晃來晃去也確實很噁心。如果你因此就把孩子武裝的嚴嚴實實，瘋狂地洗手和消毒，那就說明你是個「控制狂」家長。孩子會生病，孩子也會病癒。放輕鬆一點。
Hey, we get it. Bacteria spreads sickness and hanging around a sniffling 7-year-old is pretty gross. But prepping your kid with bubble wrap, going insane with sanitizer and overdoing the germaphobe thing are all markers of a total helicopter parent. Kids get sick, but they also get better. You can relax.
解決辦法：放鬆緊繃的神經
Quick Fix: Relax (everything will be okay).
沒有不生病的孩子。適當暴露在細菌環境中，能幫孩子增強抵抗力。教孩子洗手的基本方法，但不要沉迷於抗菌噴霧、乳清和肥皂，因為過分依賴這些東西，反而不利於孩子免疫系統的發育。
All kids get sick eventually, and light exposure to germs will actually help them build an immunity to constant illness. Teach your child hand washing basics, but don"t obsess over antibacterial sprays, serums, and soaps, which can prevent your child from building a strong immune system.
7.你總是替孩子做決定？
You don"t respect independence.
如果孩子的朋友是你選的，課外活動是你定的，吃什麼也是你安排，你可能就是個「控制狂」父母。獨立是讓孩子學會選擇和生活的能力。如果總是你來做決定，就像在說：「我不相信你的選擇。」聽著就讓人不舒服，對么？
If you"re hand-picking your child"s friends, scheduling her after-school activities and dictating her diet, you"re probably hovering a little too close. Independence is a great gift for kids learning to make choices and find their way in life. When you take over the decision-making, you say "I don"t trust you to choose for yourself." Not very nice, is it?
解決辦法：提供選擇，讓孩子來決定
Quick Fix: Give options.
不為孩子做決定，而是提供選擇讓他獨立做主。如果通常是你決定孩子穿什麼，那就試著讓她在兩件不同的T恤之間做選擇。從這樣的小選擇開始，幫孩子增強自信，也幫他們積累未來在大事上做選擇的勇氣與智慧。
Instead of making decisions for your child, help her assert independence by offering options. If you normally choose your child"s outfits, try letting her choose between two different t-shirts. Small choices like this help kids feel confident and also helps them make big decisions long term.
8.你會因為愧疚，而一再讓步？
You always give in.
「控制狂」父母常常有很多愧疚感，這導致在育兒過程中缺乏規則和總是妥協。如果孩子一要吃糖，你就讓步妥協，那麼你可能就是 「控制狂」父母。因為不讓孩子體驗負面情緒也是一種過度保護。
Helicopter parents often harbor a huge amount of mommy-guilt, which often translates into a lack of rules or constantly giving in to child demands. If you"re the one to buckle when your kid is begging for bubblegum, you"re probably overprotective to the point of shielding your kid from any negative experience ever. Bad form!
解決辦法：讓孩子哭，未必是壞事
Quick Fix: Let him cry it out.
失望和負面情緒都是生活的一部分，不要因為你沒滿足孩子的要求而煩惱。相反，拒絕孩子的不合理要求，更有利於孩子學會自我滿足和避免成為一個物質的人。
Disappointment and negative emotions are just a part of life, so if your child doesn"t get what he wants, don"t fret. By not giving in to demands on a regular basis, you"ll help your child grow up to be less materialistic and more self satisfied.
孩子想要最新款的娃娃？等等，不能這麼隨便就買回來！你必須先研究一下規格參數，看看網上的說明介紹，問問周圍朋友的口碑評價。
So, your little one wants the latest doll? Wait, you can"t just buy it! You have to first research specs, check out on online rules and ask around before you acquiesce.
如果沒有10個小時的調查研究，你是不會做決定的。因為你擔心買回的玩具是否安全、好玩和有教育意義。
You"re so afraid that a toy won"t be educational, safe or fun enough that you can"t make a decision without 10 hours of online research first.
解決辦法：心大點兒，也沒事
Quick Fix: Settle (just a little).
別讓挑選玩具變成你的壓力。孩子喜歡你給他買的玩具，是因為那代表了你對他的愛和特殊獎勵，不是因為那是市場推薦產品。所以只要是你真心為孩子挑選的，買就買吧（偶爾衝動消費也沒什麼）。
Don"t let the responsibility of choosing a toy become overwhelming. Your child will love whatever you buy her because it"s a special treat, not because it is the highest-recommended product on the market. As long as you make decisions with good intentions, you should feel confident making purchases for your child (even if some of them are on a whim!).
10.準備多少東西，你都擔心不夠？
You"re chronically over-prepared.
你們準備去動物園玩。帶防晒霜了嗎？帶零食了嗎?帶水壺了嗎?那信號彈和救生衣是不是也要帶上呢？「控制狂」父母總是為孩子帶上所有東西。你能在操場上發現他們的孩子：背著超重的大包，佩戴護肘護膝，四菜營養餐，還有……孩子臉上痛苦的表情。
So you"re headed to the zoo. Did you pack the sunscreen? How about extra snacks? Got a water bottle? How about the flare gun and life preserver? Helicopter parents are the ones that prep their kids for anything; and we mean anything. You can always spot their kids on the playground: They"re the ones with the overstuffed backpack, the knee and elbow pads, a four-course meal and that miserable expression.
解決辦法：隨遇而安
Quick Fix: Allow for spontaneity.
有點驚喜和不同，孩子們會更喜歡。所以別計劃那麼多，去玩就好了。想去公園就去公園，想吃冰激凌就吃，想看電影就看。只要保證交通安全和帶夠錢，相信我，你們會玩的很開心的！
Kids love it when things get a little crazy, so go ahead and take an unscheduled trip to the park, the ice cream shop, or the movies. As long as you have reliable transportation and a little extra cash, you"ll be just fine. Trust us.
- 互動話題 -
上面這些你中招了嗎？
歡迎留言，晒晒你的「控制狂指數」吧~
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