一個老外的色達行 A Foreigner s Seda trip
It was Spring and the three of us had taken a 13hour bus ride to Seda for a taste of Tibetan culture. Seda, also known as Sertar, is a Tibetan county west of Sichuan in China. At nearly 4,000 meters elevation, Seda Monastery is the world』s largest Tibetan Buddhist school and houses up to 40,000 monks and nuns in dorms stacked across in a valley. The tiny lit windows spread a colorful mosaic that blends into the starry night sky.
當時是春季，我們三個人坐了13個小時的大巴車來到色達為了感受藏文化。色達，四川西邊，海拔4000以上，佛學院也是世界上最大的藏傳佛教學院，在這個山谷里有堆滿了40000個喇嘛和覺姆，一些迷你的小窗戶散發出多彩的馬賽克，融合在星空中。
（when we arrive at night 我們晚上到的時候）
The first night I fell with a high fever, vomiting through trembling teeth. My head was caved in from the high altitude I could feel death looming in and out of my veins. The next morning, I stayed in bed while the others wandered the town. I was extremely glad to have a comfortable bed with the hostel manager looking after me. He was lighthearted and I didn』t have the energy to say much. His Chinese name translated to 「without a head」. His WeChat id had the tagline 「always stay naive.」
我第一天晚上是倒在了高燒上，牙齒顫抖然後嘔吐。我的頭完全因為高原反應感覺快要爆炸，我可以感受到死亡在我的血管中隱隱出現。第二天早上，其他人都去學院了，我只好選擇躺在床上。我當時很慶幸我可以躺在舒服的床上，然後還有旅館老闆的照顧。他照顧我照顧得異常輕鬆，而我卻連說話的力氣都沒有。他中文名字沒頭（也有可能是我聽錯了），他微信頁面的格言是：永遠保持天真。
The next morning, I was about 60% and decided to roam with the others. At dawn, we hiked up the mountain for a view of the valley where the monastery laid. Morning prayer was in order and clouds of incense smoke covered the valley. Fingertips freezing, the sun slowly peeked over the mountains and shadows began to stretch. We goofed around a bit then sat quietly with the sunrise. There was a cold stream in my belly.
第二天早上，我身體大概恢復了60%，於是決定和他們一起出去玩，佛曉時分，我們徒步上山眺望佛學院所在的山谷，早晨，信仰者們像往常一樣虔誠地祈禱著，熏香的煙霧瀰漫著整個山谷。天氣讓我的指間冰冷，太陽躲在山後慢慢得偷看著我們，隱隱約約冒出光線來了。我們在山頂上四處閑逛，然後靜靜地坐在看日出的地方。當時感覺肚子裡面有一股冷流。
We then made our way toward the monastery. I was woozy and grumpy while the other two chatted with the locals. Everyone was dressed in different variations of a brown and red cloak with a softness in their face. I spotted a cozy corner by the temple』s entrance and dropped for an overdue nap deep into my beanie and jacket. The cold air, fever, trembling body. I hated everything and somehow content. I had given up the will to change anything and had no regrets
隨後我們沿著路往學院走。我兩個朋友和當地人聊天的時候，我感到很不安，莫名的暴躁。這裡的每個人都穿著棕色和紅色的斗篷，臉上帶著柔和的表情。我帶著帽子穿著羽絨服在學院門口找了一個舒適的角落睡著了。超級冷的天氣，加上發著燒顫抖著的身體，我恨當時那一瞬間的一切，但不知為何，我感到滿足。我放棄了一切改變那種狀態的意願，也沒有後悔。
Next day we took a shuttle to the sky burial where vultures feast on the dead. It』s customary funeral for Tibetans, a morbid fascination for tourists. Six bodies had been laid and prepared in a pit for dozens of vultures to digest. Slowly birds swarmed in and tore away at the limbs. The thick smell of carcass waved around the funeral site while the birds frenzied in the pit; some flying overhead with wings blanketing the sun. Some were playing tug-o-war with the skin that wouldn』t tear. Near the end, a man with a butchers』 outfit walks to each skull with a knife and strikes a pounding blow at the base, cracks an opening and tosses them to the birds. They beaked into the brain as the jaw bone loosely opened and closed. I couldn』t help but see myself as an anonymous skull in that pit.
第二天，我們坐當地小巴去了天葬台。這是藏族的葬禮習俗，對遊客來說是一種病態的迷戀。六具屍體被安放在天葬台上，為數多的禿鷲準備，讓他們來消化。慢慢地，鳥兒蜂擁而至，撕開他們的四肢，屍體濃烈的氣味瀰漫了周圍，鳥兒在台上狂暴地吃著屍體，有的禿鷲在天上飛，遮著太陽；有的在台上為了撕不開的皮膚相互打著仗。當快接近尾聲時，一個帶屠夫裝備的人用刀走到每一個骷髏頭上，撞擊著底部，敲擊一個開口，再把它們扔給鳥。禿鷲的尖咀進入大腦就好像我們的頜骨可以輕鬆地張開和閉合。我忍不住把自己當成那個骷髏頭，去感受那種感覺。
Same sun new day, head fevered and knees were trembling after a lengthy walk around town. We spotted a café and claimed a dim empty room with couches all around. We each took a full sofa and crashed from sheer exhaustion. Alina was cold and quiet. The window behind her was open with cool breeze coming in. Just as I got up to close it for her, Ree dashes for the window and slides it shut. She then falls dead on the couch. I drop my head and quietly start crying. I was drained and didn』t need a reason survey my tears but I felt relief. Maybe it was the emptiness inside and kindness near. It』s like letting it stream down your face and grabbing at no wave because the ocean moves through us.
又是一個晴天，頭痛發燒和膝蓋一直顫抖著漫步在整個學院，之後我們停在了一家藏族式的茶館，裡面有一間很多張沙發的一個空房間，我們三個進去一人坐了一張沙發，整個人也完全筋疲力盡了。Alina又冷又安靜，她身後的那扇窗戶隙了一個縫，冷風不斷進來。在我正準備靠近她的時候，Ree一下就衝上去把縫隙推攏了，隨後立馬死死地趟在沙發上。我低下頭，靜靜地開始哭了起來。我當時整個人感覺我人生所有的精力都耗盡了，但我也不需要任何理由來解釋我的眼淚，我那一刻覺得心中的所有難過和顧慮都得到了釋然。也許是內心的空虛更與內心的善良接近了。就像是把生活的所有不爽當作水讓它從你臉上留下來，然後抓住沒有波浪的那部分，因為平靜的海洋最終都會通往我們的內心。
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