耶魯、哥大、賓大、斯坦福一致看好的文書，究竟寫了什麼？

又是一年申請季，又到了為寫文書而絞盡腦汁的時候了，不知道大家是否還記得這個名叫Brittany Stinson的女孩。

今年四月份的時候，她拿到了5所常春藤大學的錄取通知：耶魯大學，哥倫比亞大學，賓大，達特茅斯和康奈爾大學，此外，錄取率低至4.69%的斯坦福大學也給她拋來了橄欖枝（羨慕）。

被6所頂尖美國名校青睞，除了優秀的學術成績，申請文書起了極其重要的作用。雖然寫出了精彩的文書，但是作者Brittany承認，和廣大同學們一樣，在1000字之內表達自己的特質並不容易，因此在動筆之前，就使勁想，想清楚自己有哪些性格特點，並鎖定一兩個集中描述。

在確定要給招生官展示自己的哪些特質後，她選擇了用頑皮的語調進行描述：通過以美國人們熟知的場景——到Costco購物作為引子，引起讀者的興趣，描述了一幅又一幅大家熟悉卻從未深刻研究過的畫面，從而順理成章帶出了自己的性格特點——永不停歇的求知慾。

《商業內幕》讓幾位藤校招生官對這篇申請文書進行了點評，下面各位招生官的反饋。

文書亮點一：巧設懸念，引人入勝

Nelson Ure?a 曾在康奈爾擔任本科招生工作，他說：文章開頭設置懸念，勾起了讀者的好奇心，自然而然吸引讀者一直讀下去。接著讀下面幾段，她的故事慢慢聚焦起來，隨著她的描述，讀者在腦海里也會升起一幅畫面。

達特茅斯學院的前招生主任David Jiang說，身為招生官，短期難要閱讀數百篇申請材料，學生需要展示ta與眾不同的地方，才能讓招生官在一天工作結束後還有印象。而這篇文書之所以能讓人記住，是因為她獨特的闡述角度。當我看到文章開頭描述一個2歲的女孩飛奔去Costco要免費的樣品時，我不由自主讀下去想看個究竟。

文書亮點二：凸顯個人優點，看完文書，成功讓讀者產生好感

除了巧設懸念，通篇文章的描述能讓讀者對作者產生好感。這也是文書的亮點之一。Nelson Ure?a 說：『在看文書前，我對Brittany一無所知，但看完文書，我想對這個充滿求知慾的、機智的、豐富幽默、善於表達的年輕姑娘了解更多。她的文書成功在能讓讀者對她產生好感。』

賓大招生官Hirschfeld Legatt也同意這一點，並說，從招生官的角度看，那些脫穎而出的申請人都有一個共同點：讓別人喜歡，即讓人對ta產生好感（招生官肯定不會錄取自己不喜歡的學生）。

"From the undergraduate committee perspective, students who stood out had only one thing in common: likability," Hirschfeld Legatt said.

而除了冷冰冰的成績，能讓別人對你產生喜歡的也只有文書，通過文書展示你的個人品格，可見文書在申請名校時有多重要。很容易想像，招辦的老師們在閱讀文書時，忍不住發出會心一笑，從而深深的記住了這個優秀幽默的申請人。

"By the end of the committee discussion, admissions officers would be most excited to admit — and eventually meet — students whose essays could illuminate the unique identity of the person behind the application," she continued.

文書亮點之三：動詞用得精準

康奈爾前招生官Nelson Ure?a 說，我還注意到了 Brittany 在文書中的用詞，如果你回過頭再看這篇文書，並把所有的動詞標亮，你會發現這些詞都是精心挑選的，它們不僅描述了動作，還表達了作者的心情，比如: charged, rampaging, widened, sliced, sprinted, touch, taste, stick, explore, scour, whisked, scaled, survey, towered, navigate.

誇了這麼多，Nelson Ure?a也提出了一些修改建議：從我個人來說，我會建議Brittany減少形容詞和副詞的使用，使文章簡短，更容易閱讀。當然，這也不是什麼大毛病。

賓大前招生官Hirschfeld Legatt說，Brittany有講好故事的能力，她的文書最大的優點是繪聲繪色地展示了她是一個怎樣的人。通篇讀完，我們形成的印象是這個女孩有見地，有創新思維，幽默風趣。我尤其記得一個既發人深省又忍俊不禁的句子： If there exists a thirty-three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will?

不過，招生官對文書的審核是主觀的，僅憑一篇文書也不可能獲得好幾所名校的錄取。這個美國女孩獲得6所頂尖名校的錄取還離不開優異的成績。她是美國高中Concord High School這一屆最優秀的畢業生，高中成績年年名列前茅，今年畢業時還作為學生代表致告別辭（致辭的學生一般是畢業班最優秀的學生）。除了成績頂尖，她去年還參加了麻省理工學院的STEM暑期課程，學習天體物理和科學寫作。

以下為Brittany Stinson申請文書原文

題目: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

原文：Managing to break free from my mother』s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two­ year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother』s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamon­sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrial­sized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco.

Notorious for its oversized portions and dollar­fifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I』ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weight­loss supplements. Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sour cream? Was cultured yogurt any more well­mannered than its uncultured counterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.

While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the 『all beef』 goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirty­three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia s workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52」 plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson』s controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory』s dedication; he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits – qualities I am compelled to admire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be more likeable–and tender.

I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. Just as I sampled buffalo­chicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, cross­country running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity that interests me in the slightest.

My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what defines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficult to complacently accept the 「what」; I want to hunt for the 「whys」 and dissect the 「hows」. In essence, I subsist on discovery.

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