「有毒單身漢」是怎樣煉成的？

最新 06-03

在中國，「有毒單身漢」這一概念正在興起，由於長期的獨處，許多年輕人都變得懼怕婚姻、懼怕在感情中做出承諾。

Wendy Li broke up with her boyfriend in April. They were happy together, but the man never expressed a desire to deepen their relationship or consider marriage.

四月份的時候，小李和男朋友分了手。他們在一起很快樂，但是那個男人從來沒有表達過想加深關係、或者結婚的願望。

He would call her and chat with her on WeChat every day, and initially, it seemed quite sweet. However, Li wanted to move forward with their relationship, and he seemed perfectly content with maintaining the status quo.

最開始的時候，他每天都會給小李打電話、在微信上聊天，一切看起來都很甜蜜。但是小李想把兩人的關係更進一步，但是他似乎卻完全滿足於現狀。

"He seems afraid of being in a stable relationship although he is already 29, which in China is generally accepted as the age at which one should be seeking marriage," Li said. "When we broke up, he even said that being single is better than being in a relationship, let alone marriage."

小李說道：「儘管他已經29歲了，但是卻似乎很懼怕一段穩定的關係，而在中國這個年齡一般都應該談婚論嫁了。我們分手之後，他甚至說單身比談戀愛還要好，更別說結婚了。」

Li is not the only Chinese woman to find herself in such a situation, and according to current trends, she might not be the last. Sun Hao, a Beijing-based psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling said she has received several clients like Li"s ex-boyfriend.

小李並不是中國唯一一個深陷如此困境的女人，而根據目前的社會趨勢來說，她可能也不會是最後一個。北京心理學家孫浩（音）專門從事戀愛關係諮詢，據她表示已經接待了好幾位跟小李男友一樣的病人。

Men who refuse to settle down or commit are not new in the West. But in China, the eternal or "toxic" bachelor is a new trend, especially among young people living in big cities like Beijing.

在西方，男人拒絕確定關係、拒絕做出承諾並不是一件新鮮事。但是在中國，「有毒單身漢」還是一個新現象，尤其是對居住在北京等大城市的年輕人來說。

"It may be because of the increasingly fast pace of city life," said Sun. "A large number of young people in their 30s have been studying and working far from home since they were teenagers, so they have gotten used to being alone."

孫浩說道：「有可能是因為城市生活節奏越來越快。許多30多歲的年輕人自從少年時期就在離家很遠的地方工作學習，因此他們已經習慣了獨處。」

Yuan Fei (pseudonym), a 30-year-old single man working in a state-owned real estate company shared Sun"s opinion and said he once saw himself as the type of man who would die alone.

袁飛（音）是一名30多歲的單身男士，在國有房地產公司工作，他很同意孫浩的觀點，還說自己曾經以為會孤獨一生。

"I never thought about getting married because it makes me panicky and nervous," he said. "I have been all alone for over 10 years, and that was the hardest time for me. I thought that if I didn"t have company then, I would not need any in the future."

他說道：「我從沒想過結婚的事情，因為這會讓我感覺很恐慌。我已經獨自生活10多年了，那是我最艱難的一段日子。我曾經認為如果我當時沒有女朋友的話，那我以後也不需要。」

Sun said this kind of thinking occurs in both men and women and that it"s largely as a result of long-term isolation. They have gotten used to the lifestyle and think that being bound to one person is annoying and energy-consuming, Sun further explained.

孫浩表示，由於長期獨處生活，男人和女人都有這種想法。他們習慣了這種生活方式，認為和某個人一起生活會讓人很惱火、很傷神。

However, for Yuan, the phenomenon could be due to peer pressure or other reasons such as turning 30, the perceived threshold for the end of youth in China.

然而對袁飛來說，這種現象也可能會因為同齡人壓力、或者類似步入30歲（中國人普遍認為30歲之後就不在年輕）等其他原因而結束。

"I am preparing to devote myself to a real relationship," he said. "I never had an official girlfriend before because I never thought about turning old with only one girl. I am still panicked, but I know I have to do it, or it will become more difficult later, when I am 35 or 40."

他說道：「我現在打算談一場真正的戀愛。我從未有過正式的女朋友，因為我以前從未想過一輩子就邂逅一個女孩。我仍然很恐慌，但是我知道必須這樣做，否則等我35或者40歲之後，只會更加困難。」

The concept of being "toxic" in China depends on different circumstances, Sun said.

孫浩表示，在中國「有毒」這一概念取決於不同的情況。

"A "toxic" partner may be "detoxed" when he or she meets someone they want to be with long term. Also, a relationship is always two people"s responsibility, and one can never do buck-passing when problems arise."

「當遇到自己想要長期相處的人的時候，『有毒』的人也能變成『無毒』。此外，一段感情永遠是兩個人的責任，出現問題時決不能推卸責任。」

Li agreed with Sun. "I think the process of "detoxing" is quite long for some "toxic" partners. I failed to change my ex-boyfriend. He escaped from the relationship by breaking up with me," she said.

小李很贊同孫浩的觀點。她說道：「我認為對『有毒』的人來說，『排毒』是一個很漫長的過程。我沒能改變我的前男友，他用分手的方式逃離了這段感情。」

"It is better to let them remain single until they are not "toxic" anymore."

「最好是讓他們一直單身，直到他們不再『有毒』。」

各位普特er你們是不是也遇到過這樣的「有毒單身漢」呢？或者，你們自己就是這樣的「有毒單身漢」？

歡迎留言分享。

英文來源：Global Times

中文來源：愛語吧

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