蠢哭了！細數聯盟那些蠢到離譜的傷病史|庵主特工爭MVP？

美國JRS之聲

蠢哭了！細數聯盟那些蠢到離譜的傷病史|庵主特工爭MVP？

In light of Enes Kanter"s injury, let"s take a look at other stupid ways NBA players got injured.

觀坎特受傷有感，細數歷史上那些蠢到哭的傷病。

"ARE YOU EXTINGUISHING TO ME??"

During 2012 playoffs a frustrated Amare Stoudemire, for unknown reasons, attacked a fire extinguisher minutes after the New York Knicks" Game 2 loss to the Miami Heat. The Knicks power forward suffered lacerations on his left hand which required stitches. He suffered the laceration on the inside of his palm, on the side of his hand closest to the pinkie. Subsequently, Amare has been extinguished from Game 3. It is important to note, that fire extinguisher"s side of the story was never heard.

「滅火器很皮？不存在的！」

2012年季後賽期間，尼克斯在系列賽第二場比賽里輸給熱火後，一隻沮喪的小斯，不知出於何種原因，憤起襲擊了一個裝有玻璃門的滅火器。因此，尼克斯大前鋒左手被割破，需要縫針才能治癒。需要縫針的地方還是他的手掌心，靠近小拇指的一側。因此，小斯自動缺席第三場比賽。值得一提的是，到現在都沒有人詢問過滅火器當時作何感想。

UPSETING THE GODS

Tony Allen blew out his knee -- tearing both ACL and MCL -- while trying to throw one down after the whistle had blown. That"s a direct message from the Basketball Gods, and it can be interpreted as: "Thou shall not showboat, mortal fool!" Oh, and he also missed the dunk.

惹煩上帝

托尼-阿倫把自己的膝蓋玩脫了---膝蓋前交叉韌帶和內側副韌帶撕裂---而他受傷的原因是因為在哨子已經響了之後還想裝B進個球。於是籃球的各位神仙們紛紛表示必須要警告他一下，後面發生的事可以被解讀為終神發來的信號：」 莫裝逼，裝逼遭雷劈「。哦，值得一提的是，他那球還扣飛了。

BIG BALLS TOO MUCH FOR THE WOLVES" TITLE HOPES

The Minnesota Timberwolves" best chance of reaching the Finals with Kevin Garnett came in 2004, but Sam Cassell injured his hip before the start of the Western Conference Finals against the Los Angeles Lakers. The Lakers defeated the Wolves and played the Detroit Pistons in the Finals. "All the time," said Flip Saunders about Cassell"s injury. "It was his hip. He made a shot out of the corner against Sacramento in Game 7 [of the conference semifinals], and he did his little Big Balls dance, and from that, he created a little avulsion fracture in his hip. No question, I think about that dance all the time. But that』s the NBA. I went to four straight conference finals in Minnesota and Detroit, and we had injury issues in each one. The team that wins the title is usually the healthiest team."

狼隊的冠軍希望根本承受不住巨大蛋蛋的分量

森林狼加內特時期進軍總決賽最好的機會出現在2004年，結果卡塞爾在對陣湖人的西部決賽開始前把自己屁股給搞傷了。然後湖人幹掉了森林狼和活塞會師決賽。菲利普桑德斯在談到卡塞爾傷情的時候說到「都怪他的屁股。他打國王第七場（西部半決賽）的時候在底角那邊進了個球， 隨後他就開始了他「大屌大蛋舞」的表演，然而就是這個「大屌大蛋舞」造成他的菊部肌肉撕裂。毫無疑問，我一直對這支舞印象深刻。但這就是NBA，我在森林狼和活塞連進了4次分區決賽， 每年我們都會遭遇傷病，但最後贏下冠軍的都是最健康的那支球隊。「

PRO BOWL

Andrew Bynum injured his knee when going bowling, while being injured. Yes he did.

保齡球之殤

安德魯拜納姆在受傷期間出去打保齡球，然後又把自己膝蓋搞傷了。對，你沒聽錯。

NIGHT PARALYSIS

In 2012 Kevin Love slept with his right arm extended off his bed all night and when he woke up he couldn"t move it and had to miss the next game.

深夜麻痹症

2012年一個月黑風高的晚上，樂福睡覺的時候一直把自己的右手搭在床外，當他醒來的時候，發現右手已不聽自己的使喚，致使他不得不缺席接下來的一場比賽。

STEVE THE SPIKE

Lakers guard (at the time) Steve Blake suffered a puncture wound to his left foot after stepping on a spike strip in a parking lot. He was out for three weeks. Blake said he hurt himself when he "got distracted going back to my truck". Good job, Steve.

史」釘「夫·布雷克

湖人後衛史蒂夫布雷克（當時）在停車場踩到釘條後遭遇左腳扎傷。他因此傷缺三個星期。布雷克說，他做出這樣的自殘行為是因為在」往自己車走的時候被別的東西吸引了注意力「。

布雷克，那你很棒棒哦。

LOTION-EYEZ KILLA

Charles Barkley missed the Phoenix Suns" 1994-95 season opener because the first layers of his corneas got burned off by body lotion during an Eric Clapton concert. Apparently, allergies and the dazzling stage lights caused Sir Charles to rub his eyes, and he got lotion in them. Phoenix Suns team doctor, Richard Emerson, said: "It was a chemical reaction to a type of lotion that he uses. I wouldn"t anticipate it"ll reoccur because I don"t think he"ll use that type again."

乳霜毒師

巴克利錯過了1994-95賽季菲尼克斯太陽隊的賽季揭幕戰。原因則是他在聽埃里克-克萊普頓演唱會的時候把潤膚乳霜揉到了自己眼睛裡，導致自己第一層眼角膜被燒掉了。很顯然，過敏反應和酷炫的舞檯燈光誘使查爾斯爵士揉自己的眼睛，一不小心就把潤膚乳霜揉了進去。太陽隊隊醫，理查德埃莫森說：」他這種乳霜會產生化學反應，我覺得這種情況之後不會再發生了，估計他之後不會再用這款了「。

FINALS MVP

Ah, Darko, Darko, Darko. He was put in for what was described as a "token" appearance in the Pistons" Game 5 blowout of the Lakers in the 2004 NBA Finals. He played 2 minutes, finishing with 1 rebound, 1 steal, 1 turnover...and 1 broken hand. Oh yes he did. The injury required surgury and sidelines him for eight weeks.

FMVP達科

啊親愛的米利西奇，米利西奇，米利西奇。他在2004年活塞VS湖人總決賽第五場的辣雞時間裡象徵性的上了一波場，出場兩分鐘，瘋狂砍下1板，1斷，1失誤外加1隻斷手的瘋狂數據。你還是沒聽錯哦！這次斷手需要手術，以及在場邊休息8周。

HOW TO PUT ON A SHOE 101

In December 2001, before a game against the Washington Wizards, DirK Nowitzki sprained a tendon in his ankle when he put his shoe on improperly and the stomped his foot on the floor to make sure it was on right. The injury was so bad he missed the game.

穿鞋大師

2001年12月份，在一場對陣華盛頓奇才的比賽前，諾維茨基鞋沒穿對，在他跺地板確保鞋穿在右腳上的時候把自己的腳踝扭傷了。傷勢很重他最終沒能上場比賽。

AGENT ZERO"S BARBERSHOP

File this one under "unfortunate pube shaving accidents." Very unfortunate. I"ll let Gilbert Arenas tell the tale: "When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend"s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything -- just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed. Now I use clippers."

0號特工理髮店

這一事件歸類於」不幸的刮28毛經歷「。非常不幸，這個故事還是讓大家聽阿里納斯來親口講述：」當我剛進NBA的時候，球隊的老大哥們都勸我去把該剃的東西剃一剃，因為他們說不剃會臭。我就用我女朋友的刀片來剃，結果那刀片坑坑窪窪給我身上搞了一堆刮痕。醫生給我開了一堆葯讓我抹，但我直接把葯倒上去了。三天之後我尖叫著起床，老子蛋蛋上面的皮都被燒掉了，沿著我的深溝，一切都暴露了出來，露出了錚錚嫩肉。但我還是要上場飛奔打球，所以我不得不噴了一個月止痛噴霧直到傷口痊癒。現在我除草只用剪刀了「

AQUA LUC

During the 1996-97 season, the Bulls lost Luc Longley"s services for seven weeks after he got hurt body surfing. Yeah. Luc was body-surfing off the coast of Los Angeles coast when an unexpectedly strong wave drove him shoulder-first into the ocean floor and knocked his clavicle and shoulder out of place.

水行俠路克

1996-1997賽季，公牛不得不度過7周沒有路克朗利的日子，因為他在徒手衝浪的時候受傷了。沒錯，當時他在洛杉磯的海灘衝浪的時候，一個意料之外的大浪襲來，一掌把他拍在了海上，肩部先著地的他鎖骨和肩膀都已經不在原位了。

LIGHTS OUT

Carlos Boozer broke his hand after tripping over his gym because it was too dark to see at 6PM. Somebody was knocking at the door, and Boozer rushed to answer. On the way, he tripped over his big gym bag in the hall and fell. He went down awkwardly on his right hand and felt it pop. The neighbours later testified they heard an extremely loud "AHHH AND-ONE!" echoing through the neighbourhood.

關燈別閉眼啊

有一次下午六點的時候，布澤爾在自己的健身房裡摔倒把自己的手弄傷了，因為當時實在是太黑了看不清。當時有人在敲門，布澤爾急著去開。就在跑去開門的時候，他被自己放在大廳里的健身包給絆倒然後吃了個跟頭。他右手極為尷尬的率先觸地，那一瞬間他一定感受到了右手炸開的感覺。鄰居們之後紛紛表示當時聽見了一句聲音巨大的」啊！兩分打進，還要加罰！「這句話至今還在那片街區迴響。

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